Learning to Rise Above It
by Offcentercompass
Summary: SwanQueen story set in the future. Full of struggles, strength and angst. Is a twisted kind of love story, where currently a happy ending is eluding the ladies. Rated M to be sure, just a little dark really.
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I put it down on paper. It is a Swan Queen story, with the usual ups and some very big downs. Probably be 3 chapters, first 2 mainly written. Is dark and angsty, mature warning to be safe. Sorry if you are waiting for me to continue with my other fics, am a bit stuck, have a heavy workload in my day job and I am easily distracted. I will continue "Is this Something" soon - I hope!

I own nothing, as per the usual disclaimer.

Enjoy the read, I think it speaks for itself but if you need background it is about ten years from Season 1, SwanQueen and mentions of the past mainly follows cannon.

Please feel free to leave feedback, I am awful at responding but I read them and take great heart from the kind and positive comments.

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She looks at Emma and swallows past the lump in her throat. She is beautiful, her hair catching the light of the evening sun as she is spun on the dance floor. The dress is simple, brilliant white which Regina knows is a stretch but Charles is from the Enchanted Forest and wanted to do everything traditionally. Regina wonders how with Emma's clumsiness she has managed to keep the fabric clean of spills and then shakes her head, none of it matters, she isn't the one dancing with Emma and that is what is stuck in her throat.

She looks again, admiring the way the fabric is tailored and shows her slim figure, her arms are bare and Regina looks at the muscle definition. She shouldn't be torturing herself like this, seeing the slender limbs and pale fingers, the nails lightly painted and pressed against his chest. She tries not to remember when it was her chest, her thighs, her skin they ran so gently over.

She lifts her gaze and studies the blonde's face, her make up delicate and she is smiling. It doesn't reach her eyes but Regina thinks perhaps nothing will anymore. She closes her eyes against the tears she suddenly feels. This isn't the time for what might have beens, briefly she wonders why she is putting herself through this and then she remembers. She is the Mayor, she has the façade to maintain. And really, etiquette dictates she is at the wedding of her town Sheriff and the woman she shares Henry with. A woman, who until quite recently, was her best friend.

That they were once much more than that, more than employer and employee, and so very much more than co-parents is violently pushed away. To linger on that for too long will definitely allow the tears to fall. And besides, today isn't about her, today is Emma's day. She needs to be strong and survive this even if it hurts her heart to sit on the side-lines and watch the one person she had finally let into her heart and her head marry someone else.

Ruby clears her throat and the Mayor swings her eyes up to see sympathy and understanding staring down at her. She wants to look away but that would really be the ultimate weakness. The Wolf knows she is hurting, really, how could she not be, and her ability to hide her broken heart had somehow eluded her over this. Her feelings are still so close to the surface, rough and raw and she has done her best but she knows she has failed to hide them.

Even Snow had looked away from her earlier, not wanting to meet her eyes and see a hurt and damaged woman. Snow thought they had healed the old wounds, that Regina was genuinely happy and deservedly so. She had accepted the relationship her daughter wanted to pursue and felt they were finally becoming a family that nothing could divide.

Snow, to Regina's surprise, had been welcoming and supportive and they had been able to build a solid foundation of friendship, moving forward and away from the past. Both Snow and Charming had forgiven and recognised that Regina was a better person, she had finally left that damaged person behind in the Enchanted Forest for good.

The petite brunette had dearly hoped Regina had found true happiness and she wished her Ex-Step Mother had been able to embrace it and enjoy the obvious love between the two women. But somehow Emma had manged to destroy the relationship and Snow knew Regina hadn't really managed to move on. And now she was battling through this day, one that had opened up all of her feelings for her ex-lover, heightened her connection to the past and her feelings of loss and Snow recognised it all too well. It nearly brought the younger brunette to tears and she couldn't watch as Regina's mask slipped, her eyes glittering briefly with unshed tears that betrayed her perfectly practiced set jaw and fake politician's smile.

And looking around the Mayor realised with shockingly violent understanding that the whole town could see through her mask, her straight back and smart appearance doing nothing to hide her delicate and freshly broken heart. She feels something cold settle on her skin, distinct discomfort at these peasants having ideas and thoughts about her feelings and emotions, but she guesses after the turmoil they have all been through over the last decade there is little point denying her pain. Every single person in the room, except the happy couple, know Regina too well by now. It is a town unlike any other and they subconsciously now all know how to read and react to each other.

They were all closer than any neighbours had the right to be, sharing disasters and loses, intertwined family and weird relations and suddenly she is tired, so very tired. Because everything has been a fight, everything has been about making other people happy. She just hadn't realised it.

She had tried to make Mother happy, then Rumple, then Henry, then the family she was trying to change for and fit in with, Snow, Charming, and Emma. She has spent her life sacrificing and putting her happiness on the line for the town, to protect the people she had brought here with her curse. She had tried to be enough for Robin, changing again, allowing him to follow his code and to choose who he thought was his wife. She had bent, the effort almost breaking her to let him go and then come back to her when that had fallen apart. She had pushed away her anger trying to see his side of things and be understanding, allowing him to make mistakes because who was she to judge anyone in that regard? And she thought she was happy, but really she had just been floundering, reaching out and trying to anchor herself in a sea of uncertainty.

She had only become grounded and settled with Emma, feeling calm from the minute they had given in to the pull between them and eventually kissed. She had finally realised what the heated arguments and strained friendship were actually about, the unvoiced feelings were deeply buried, denied even but when they broke free they were intense and felt unbelievably right. She finally felt complete as Emma had swept her up in her arms and nuzzled her neck and whispered sweet nothings to her. She had felt her heart relax and everything inside of her that had always been driven to fight, fight, fight had steadied immediately.

As she collapsed into Emma's warm embrace that first time she felt peace like she had never know, not for decades, if ever. Definitely not since riding through sun drenched fields, feeling free as the wind whipped at her face, a temporary escape from her lessons and the pressures of an adult life that seemed to be crowding in on her late childhood. She had let the sun kiss her skin, enjoying the warmth before settling in Daniel's arms and planning a future that never came to pass.

And now, she had sat through a ceremony and watched her blonde lover marry someone else. Someone she knew Emma didn't have one drop of feeling for. But she did understand, because Emma had finally been pushed past her breaking point. Past the point where she believed in love and happy endings. Emma had lost one too many people, been forced to see another loved one hurt or taken from her and she had pulled back. She had run, scared, from her own heart and the fear of being damaged and broken by her feelings and emotions.

So she had picked someone safe, someone who couldn't hurt her if they left her, which judging from the rather plain little man she had just married was highly unlikely. Regina knew why the marriage had been rushed, Charles scared that Emma would change her mind. Even he knew he had no right being with someone like Emma, the Saviour, spontaneous and active, witty with dark experience tainting her humour but still usually buzzing with life and exuberance. He knew he was the complete opposite and someone she had settled for, and yet he embraced it because who would ever turn Emma away? She is stunning both inside and out. She is so loving, hardworking and she is The Saviour, which to the idiot peasants is everything.

So now Regina sits quietly, she has a lovely view of her town celebrating the wedding of their Princess but all she finds herself doing is clasping her hands together tightly in her lap in frustration and forcing her eyes away from the floor. The floor is easy to look at, it doesn't hurt her with images of what might have been, but her Mother's voice still niggles from time to time in the back of her mind. Today it whispers, telling her to look up, that studying the floor is weakness. You can't win a battle from that position, you must meet your enemies eyes and besides, looking down creates improper posture. So she straightens her back and holds her head high as she has always done, watching and praying for this day to be over.

Regina hadn't gone into the relationship blind, she knew Emma was damaged, but so was she and she thought they were strong together and could work through any issues, any problems. That Emma knew the darkness and had struggled was apparent, and it had started long ago with Emma's upbringing. And Regina recognised the irony there. She had been responsible for the hard and harsh times Emma had gone through, it was her curse that had left Emma alone in this world, without parents and forgotten about so she had grown up emotionally stunted. She had spent her formative years forever being passed around, never settling and never being given much love. And that was all down to Regina, so she shouldn't have been surprised when Karma paid her back and allowed that to be what destroyed their relationship.

Just the foster system and the horrors Emma had endured while in it might have been something she could rise above and eventually learn to deal with, but then Neal had shown her a brief glimpse of love before abandoning her to prison and then caused a complete emotional hurricane by reappearing 11 years later, with claims of love and regret before he was once again gone. Friendships with Graham and August were broken and Hook had loved her with his own desperate way but then he was gone as well and Emma still found it within herself to give love another chance and try with Regina.

The older woman knew they had been happy, deliriously so at the beginning. Because they understood each other, they could talk to each other about anything and their magic had rejoiced at their union, making everything just a little more intense and feeling perfect. There had been so much to smile and laugh at, the darkness for once seemed to slip away and both of them felt younger, more relaxed and finally free. There were still daily struggles but they were muted because they were so involved in the other person, drawing strength from each other. Regina had never felt so loved and wanted and the warmth Emma created just standing by her side filled her completely. No-one could deny the love that clearly shone from her eyes when she looked at the blonde.

The whole town had seen it and were happy for them, something Regina would never have thought possible, but she had been embraced as their hero and with Emma telling her she deserved it she found she could walk with her head held high and enjoy the unfamiliar feeling of being wanted and respected. She guessed she should have known better, because there never is a happy ending for the villain. Her sins would away catch up with her, but she thought that finally she might have given up enough- she had sacrificed ample things during her life - so she had desperately hoped the scales were balanced again. As time went on she had begun to believe she would be allowed this.

But whatever she gave wasn't enough to keep her lover, because Emma couldn't get over the past. No amount of physical comfort, being held and whispered words of affection eased Emma's fear. And Regina wished she could provide that, be more for the blonde, because Emma did that for her. She believed when she was told she was beautiful and she felt safe in the younger woman's strong arms. It tore her apart to know Emma wasn't completely happy and that when things were calm and quiet she would brood on the past and gently push Regina's help away.

The older woman had spent her life struggling for acceptance but she finally felt it with Emma and it broke her heart to know that Emma couldn't let go of the past fully and be completely content with her. But even knowing there were bumps along their road and they both still had demons, both still had nightmares that couldn't be erased by long and soul baring conversation between them, Regina had thought they would make it. She had believed the lie that was their True Love.

They had tentatively started out with the Sheriff moving in and their routine changed but neither woman minded. Regina enjoyed cooking for the 3 of them, Henry loved having both his mothers' under one roof, and Emma had managed to quickly grasp Regina's aversion to things being dirty, untidy and messy. She would lovingly joke about the older woman's meticulous filing system for her clothes, teasing her constantly with a twinkle in her eye, and the brunette let her, even laughing too.

Whether it was piles of clothes that weren't in the laundry hamper, or dishes in the sink, Emma soon learned to clean up after herself. She understood the laundry schedule (only someone like Regina would have one, but apparently the ordered way she lived her life extended to 2 coloured washes a week, Tuesday and Saturday, whites Monday and Fridays) and she volunteered to get the groceries twice a week. The Mayor was well aware this was a ploy, it was mainly so the blonde could sneak things crammed full of sugar and added colours, chocolates, desserts and ice cream into the house without Regina being able to complain before it was too late.

And they worked at it, ironing out small disputes. Kissing and making up when Emma's teasing became a little too much and Regina got as the blonde called it, "humpy." It had been a house filled with laughter and joy and it was well over a year when the cracks started to appear.

The first thing that caused a ripple in their relationship was the death of Gepeto. He was elderly but thoroughly enjoyed his job, loved crafting with wood, but ultimately it had put a strain on his heart and he had fallen down one morning clutching his chest. Later they would find out it had been mercifully quick and likely he had been dead before he hit the floor but Emma had been first on the scene, quickest to respond and having to give the old man CPR.

Everyone agreed it was from natural causes and the funeral was a celebration of his life, and most of the town took heart that a super villain hadn't struck him down. And yet it had eaten at and bothered the blonde Sheriff, she felt personally responsible for not saving him, not getting there quickly enough. The fact everyone told her Gepeto had lived a full and long life did little to ease her guilt. Emma felt she had failed as Sheriff, in her duty to protect the people in her town.

Losing someone to natural causes, their heart giving out, didn't make it any easier for Emma to take, she just saw another loss. She saw the long list of people resting under the ground that just kept growing and upsetting her more every day. And Regina noticed the effect almost immediately within her lover. She tried to open the blonde up and get her to talk through why this bothered her so much but she just shrugged it off and kept changing the subject. Regina recognised the blonde's stubborn streak and her desire to deal with her problems herself. She had once opened up and told the brunette she felt weak if she couldn't cope, couldn't find a way out on her won. She had always been on her own, always had to rely on her instincts and to open up and share her problems felt alien to her.

Regina had only wanted to help, but she saw Emma set her jaw and knew it was a lost cause. Getting frustrated the older woman knew she had to reign her emotions in, anger wouldn't help here. She was fairly certain Emma needed to talk to someone and she knew there were things that she had confided to Archie about and his help and support had been invaluable. She trusted the man with the soft voice and gentle nature, she hoped she could convince her lover she could also. When she mentioned it to the blonde she had grudgingly agreed, because it was obvious there was something bothering the younger woman and Regina, being Regina, refused to let it go.

I didn't help their relationship that over this point, Regina really didn't understand her lovers reaction. Gepeto was liked but Emma hadn't really been close to him, her behaviour was a little odd and it worried the brunette. Sadly she mused, understanding the reaction and behaviour of her lover only hit her later, once everything had unravelled and it was too late.

Thankfully after a few weeks of talking with Archie Emma did pick up and seem more like herself. She had gone into the first few sessions nervous and unable to settle. She had struggled to open up and relax, but after several hours the blonde finally recognized Archie wasn't a threat and wasn't going to judge her. She began to talk freely and the sessions became a proper conversation rather than Archie trying to ask probing questions and Emma clamming up or giving him a clipped and terse response he would associate more with the woman's lover.

The next thing that put more strain on their relationship was a freak accident and it had upset Regina greatly, but it had almost destroyed Emma.

Walking Pongo one day Archie had bent to tie his shoe lace. He had the dog leash wrapped round his arm and when Pongo had been frightened by a car horn blaring from a passing truck he had run and pulled Archie over. Somehow he had hit his head on the sharp edge of the sidewalk and fallen head first into the road, the blow knocking him out. He spent a few hours unconscious in the hospital but had woken with amnesia and gaps in his memory. When Whale had done a brain scan it became clear the fall had caused a clot and Archie had suffered a small stroke. It wasn't a major stroke and Archie was physically healthy, he would easily be able to care for himself and return to his life, but there was slight damage to his brain and it meant he would never be able to take a therapy session again. His career was over.

And Emma had been at a critical junction with her therapist. Her barely healed scabs that were the wounds of her past were so raw and close to the surface. Archie had been in the process of pulling the scabs off, letting the long festering wounds see daylight. Then with his words and constant care the next part of the therapy was to allow them to be cleansed, flushed clean so they no longer itched and bothered Emma so badly. He knew as did Emma that although this would still leave behind a scar, after all no-one can forget their past or escape from it, all you can do is find acceptance. But the metaphorical wounds and gashes Emma had would finally begin to heal properly and no longer be so painful and tender for her.

But he had left her, like everyone else always seemed to and she was probably more vulnerable now than if she had never been to see him at all. Regina hated the way fate worked, Emma was trying valiantly to hold herself together but Regina saw the tears more often when she was tired, late at night she felt helpless when Emma turned away from her arms and the comfort she wanted so badly to give to her lover. And she didn't know what the solution was. It wasn't like they had someone else qualified in Storybrooke and even if Emma left town for counselling elsewhere it would have to involve telling the new therapist a whole bunch of half-truths and lies about Emma's background. Someone well qualified would probably see through the fabrications and really, everything would be made up from her choice of lover and their back story to her life expectations, her parents and her job. Sure Emma was Town Sheriff, but she was also Saviour and Princess, the White Knight to a town of fairy tale characters. At least Emma had been able to be herself with Archie, the magical mature of Storybrooke and the twisted past was part of his history too. Someone from outside would never get that and Regina felt lost without a way to help Emma. The nights became longer, making love became infrequent and when the blonde eventually found fitful sleep Regina would often cry herself, knowing something so good was slipping away and vowing to herself she wouldn't let it go. Not this time.

They struggled on but with Henry leaving for college it just felt like another gaping hole, another loss to the blonde. Regina started to catch her staring into space and being more and more distracted and detached. She began to feel real fear grasp at her when she realised the connection she had with the blonde was becoming severely strained.

When Regina had been walking home late one night, she was hit by a drunk driver who mounted the curb with his car. He had been so smashed he hadn't been able to get much speed up and the damage to the Mayor had been thankfully light. She had been battered and bruised in hospital, knocked unconscious from the blow to the head, but Whale was certain she was fine. He even made some kind of joke about Regina's sense of dramatic and her timing, which had Emma practically reaching to punch him. Despite David and Snow reassuring their little girl that everything would be fine and that Regina was just taking her time to heal and get out of her Mayoral duties for a few extra days Emma couldn't relax or accept the humour they were trying to lighten the mood with.

She was swinging wildly between anger and abject despair, her helplessness was palpable and it worried Snow when Emma refused to sit and listen to her parents, she felt she was watching her daughter fall apart before their eyes. Charming had stepped up and dealt with the drunken man, because he was frightened his daughter might have killed him. There was a look like a trapped animal might have in her eyes and from his past life at the Animal shelter he was well aware of the danger that posed.

Emma would swiftly go from agitated to broodingly dark and quiet. The tension was coming from her in waves and the switches between the two states were rapid, showing how little control the blonde was really in. And all of it confused Snow and Charming because Regina was fine, she just needed time. It was an extreme reaction, Emma losing the ability to be patient and use rational thought. She was a ball of confused emotion and Snow was thankful Henry was away and not having to witness this. It verged on hysteria and upset Snow greatly that as a mother she couldn't calm her child. She prayed for Regina to awake and talk some sense into her daughter, she obviously needed it.

By the time the brunette came back to the world of the living Emma had made a drastic and dramatic decision. She had been scared, so very frightened and that was how she justified her decision to herself.

Snow had to tell Regina that part, that Emma had basically broken into pieces and was a shadow of herself after the car had run her down. Snow confessed to her in a whisper that she hadn't recognised her daughter in those 2 days, she had taken herself and wrapped barriers and walls round herself until she no longer seemed clear headed or rational. Snow stopped short of questioning her daughter's sanity, but Regina had looked deeply in her lovers eyes when she woke up and knew instinctively Emma had been badly unbalanced in that moment.

And Snow had to tell her because Emma had been there to see her wake up, had stayed just long enough to check that Regina was on her feet and Dr Whale had confirmed she would make a full recovery before the blonde was dropping the bombshell that they were over. The words, "I can't do this anymore" still haunted her, she closed her eyes and saw Emma's back as she walked briskly down the hospital corridor and out of Regina's life and she always felt the tears threaten.

That Emma had walked away was bad enough, but to leave her when she was recovering from being hit by a car, when she was physically hurting and without a backward glance, even Regina thought that was cold.

Regina was released from the hospital and came home to a hastily emptied house, Emma seemed to have grabbed a holdall and shoved as much of her stuff as she could find in it. That her Ex was running was clear to Regina, but she didn't know what to do about it. When she had put the first load of laundry on and one of Emma's socks had fallen out, left behind in the frantic escape the blonde had made for herself she sat and looked at it for almost an hour, tears streaking her face but almost unnoticed in the catatonic state she was in.

And even then, feeling the absence of Emma so keenly, she didn't hate the younger woman. She wanted to reach out to her, to console her, to try and salvage something. She guessed she was in denial that it was over, but she hoped that if Emma was close maybe they could move past this and rekindle things. She couldn't believe that what they had shared, what had felt so right and perfect to her, could just die overnight.

But die it had, Emma had run, shutting Regina out and leaving her to deal with her heartbreak in a house that suddenly felt so very empty. She had lost Henry too, and maybe she had held onto the blonde too tightly after his departure and that had been a contributing factor in all of this, but now all she had was a mansion which echoed hollowly, the quietness magnified without Emma's exuberance.

She had expected Emma to run completely, leave Storybrooke and set up somewhere new, but she didn't. Regina wondered if she felt that this was home, with her parents here and it would always be where Henry returned to. And maybe Emma still wanted to be near her, she tried to crush that ember of hope but it refused to die and knowing Emma hadn't completely left kept her awake at nights. In the light of day she told herself it wasn't important and she would get on with her life, but at night, when it was cold and lonely she struggled.

So Regina had learned to exist, each day a bit at a time. She often found herself waking and reaching out to the empty side of the bed, reaching out for warmth and comfort that has long gone. She sometimes cried so hard she was sick but she soon realised all she was doing was damaging her body, her muscles aching, her head pounding and none of it eased the stabbing and sharp pain in her chest. She ate because she knew she had to, Henry rang every day to make sure, but her appetite was gone. She had a kitchen clear up, a fridge and freezer purge, the cheese, chocolate, cookies all thrown away as a reminder that Emma had been such a very big part of everything and now was gone, their relationship had rotten away much like the food in the trash would soon be.

Snow came by more, and Regina saw the disappointment in her eyes that her daughter would behave like this. Snow had understood the feelings Regina had were real and knew the love had never been forced, this, the separation, that was what was forced. But Emma wouldn't discuss it, she had built a wall so high that no-one was getting in. Not Snow, not Charming, not Ruby, she sent them all away if Regina's name was mentioned in anything more than passing.

Things were awkward around town, both women avoiding each other as much as was possible. Regina found she knew Emma's schedule, after years of being friends and over a year of living together she knew almost instinctively where her Ex would be and made plans so she didn't pass her in the mornings. It had to be that way because shortly after her release from hospital Regina had sought out Emma and tried to argue and reason with the woman she loved. She had refused to let her go without a fight, she wasn't proud, she had even begged but Emma just turned around with tears in her eyes and asked her to stop. And because she still loved her passionately and didn't want to hurt her anymore, she had respected that and walked away, her heart crumbling in pieces. She suspected Emma's was too, but more than that Emma was lost, not knowing what to do or what she wanted anymore. For so long she had fought and Regina recognised the broken look in her eyes. She was tired of fighting, she just wanted it to be easy and to not hurt.

And Regina could try and explain that easy didn't make you happy. That giving in to the negativity would only hurt Emma herself in the long run. Regina more than anyone knew that, how when you weren't true to yourself you allowed your nature to be twisted and bad things tended to happen. She was certain Emma wouldn't end up as The Evil Queen, but she could end up with regrets and decisions that she knew were a mistake, all because she had lost herself and her will to fight.

Regina knew life wasn't easy for people like herself and Emma, they didn't seem to have the luck Snow and Charming did, who always seemed to land on their feet and be able to find one another. She had long ago stopped being jealous of them, this was her life and she was going to make the best of it. She had spent years not doing that, but it hurt her to see Emma making the mistakes she had and giving up on happiness because of fear and anger that life was going to take it all away from her. But she still walked away because being close to Emma and continuing to be rejected, well it hurt her in a way she couldn't describe.

Not even Henry had been able to get anywhere, Emma had dug in and become stubborn over this. It was her life and she was going to live it the way she wanted. And Henry was equally stubborn and protective of Regina and he had tried and tried to get his blonde mother to see reason.

Regina knew of his frustration, because he wasn't here today. He had refused to stand by and watch his other mother do this. Her grown up son knew more about love than Emma apparently and he had never been one to hide from the truth. He had blatantly called his mother a coward and told her to stop deceiving herself over this sham relationship. He had called bullshit and then refused to back down, and Regina had a strange sense of pride even if she was desperately sad that Emma's relationship with her son was suffering and she herself could have done with her son's company today. She really could have used his strong and wide shoulder to lean on.

Instead she had Snow watching her from across the room, the look blatant, Snow never could do subtle but there was care in the glances and if Regina could have she would have smiled her thanks at the other woman. Snow had told her of the Wedding too, Emma hadn't had the courtesy to even do that. Snow had held her hand and told her over tea and then as Regina rose to try and leave the room before she openly cried in front of her Ex-Step Daughter Snow had stood before her and blocked her path. She had held her close as she had cried, and Regina realised that you found comfort in the strangest places, that sometimes people who had promised family and that they would be there for you didn't always lie. Sneaky bandits could change and be trusted after all.

She knew Snow would never alienate her daughter, never pick her Ex-Step Mother's side, but she hadn't thrown Regina away either. She was still there for her and she pulled the woman closer as her tears fell against the skin of her neck, trying to find an anchor in the turbulence that was her damaged heart and soul. And she was grateful, so glad someone still cared for her, even if it wasn't in the all-consuming way her daughter had.

And it seemed with Snow's friendship also came a wolf that seemed comfortable to sit in silence with her rather than dancing with Tink and Belle. Regina sighed audibly.

"Regina" Ruby started but the brunette just shook her head.

"Don't Ruby, there is nothing to say."

"But you know this is a mistake, don't you? Snow and David know it, I know it, Henry is so angry he isn't even here. How can you not know it?"

"I do, but it isn't my decision. She made her choice, and I do understand it in a twisted kind of way. She couldn't lose anyone else she loves, I managed to break her so she feels she has to settle and to be without love. To have security rather than unrestrained passion and she says that will be enough for her."

"She is the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, she is the product of True Love. Do you really think this will really be enough for her?" Ruby indicates the half-hearted dance going on somewhere at the back of the room and deep down Regina knows the answer, but she tried to make it work with Emma and she tried to fight for their relationship. She can't keep being rejected, she has some pride and some self-worth and if she doesn't, begging clearly indicating she had sacrificed all of that, she has some sense of self-preservation that has kicked in now her heart no longer aches.

It just feels numb, and she doesn't need Emma (or anyone else) telling her to move on, she doesn't need anything anymore because it is all shades of grey and pain. Ultimately she gambled and she lost again and she has to keep going for Henry and for her friends, friends like Snow and Ruby who haven't left her alone today when it would be so easy to ignore the sad and lonely woman sitting in the corner struggling not to cry.

"Charles is a good man, she could have done worse." Regina manages to get out of her tight throat because that is at least true. He is a safe choice, has a good job and his history isn't soaked in blood. Instead he had been a background character with no real input in any story. He is a little dull if Regina had to put a label on him, he is steady but lacks vibrancy and even she knows Emma will struggle to find common ground and have a fulfilling conversation with him after the initial few months are over.

"But he isn't you." Ruby cuts quickly to the problem. "And she doesn't love him."

Regina quirks her eyebrow at the other woman, "I think one of me is quite enough Dear, this town couldn't handle more than one and we have tried that in our twisted history." She thinks there is very little they haven't experienced, so much that has passed before her eyes in her life and still she feels empty. She has had decades, and each chance has slipped through her fingers. Sometimes because of her own anger and mistakes, but sometimes not and she can sit there and wish things were different, but they aren't.

Ruby puts her hand on Regina's arm and it shows the depth of change in the Mayor, because she doesn't flinch. Human contact is something she has come to understand, there is comfort in the gesture and she wishes she could take it, but her walls round her battered heart can't come down. If they do then she is lost, she barely has the strength for today but she will manage and when she is alone tonight she will give in and cry but until then she is the Mayor, she is Regina and she is strong.

Ruby sees the show and knows it is just that but doesn't press her. And she is grateful, because her composure is wavering and she needs to leave soon because there is only so much she can put herself through and still get up the following morning.

"Don't give up on her." Ruby practically whispers and Regina can't speak. She looks straight ahead and lets Ruby continue to speak quietly because if she even moves an inch at the moment she feels everything will crash down around her and the whole town will see her emotional collapse.

"She's lost, but she won't always be. You spent years lost but you came back to us. When she realises this as the mistake that it is, please Regina, don't turn her away." Ruby pleads Emma's case and Regina wishes it was that easy, because part of her would welcome the blonde back into her arms in a heartbeat. Only her heart doesn't exactly beat anymore, it is stifled and muffled and Emma did that, and to allow her back into her life after that, well it could be considered reckless if not downright crazy.

"How can I trust her again?" Regina breathes out. She should be angry at the meddling, at the way people are trying to manipulate her, but instead her words hold no bite, because she is honestly asking. How can she know Emma won't just warm her bed for a few days or months and then get spooked and run again? Because Regina has been hurt too, more than she ever thought possible and she can't go back and willingly put herself through that again.

"Trust your heart Regina."

"I don't know if I can." She says sadly, the admission costing her nothing and she wonders when it became this easy to be honest. When did she start trusting these people around her who had at one time been her enemies? It all boiled down to a young boy with shaggy hair and his annoying and determined mother and she hates the way things are now for all three of them.

"Give it time." Ruby smiles at her and she is able to meet the other woman's eyes and return a rather half-hearted and pathetic smile. This is so far from how she imagined the future, but she is strong, she is a survivor. And maybe Ruby is right, in time she will feel better and will cope with seeing Emma and Charles together. Maybe she was expecting too much of herself today and she has been at the wedding long enough to do her town duty.

Ruby walks out with her, and while the hug she gives her isn't quite as easy and spontaneous as the ones from Snow, the Queen feels the unspoken words, the promise to be there if Regina ever needs her. And because things aren't like they were during the curse, the older woman knows Ruby so much better and understands her history and that when she offers comfort it is from a place of understanding. She knows heartbreak and loss and she has always been so much more than a scantily clad waitress. She has had some hideous experiences and come out the other side of the hardships so Regina knows she can accept the words and contact without feeling pitied.

Her heels click against the sidewalk as she leaves the music and bustle of the reception. There is a bottle of scotch at home she plans to open and her bed is calling her, the soft pillows and silk sheets will welcome her tired frame when she falls into it later, she has no doubt. Her head is high, her heart empty but this is her life now. So she walks with dignity and poise and doesn't look back.


	2. Chapter 2

Another chapter.

Had issues with tense changes, I hope I ironed them all out but if not I apologise.

To the followers - thanks and enjoy!

* * *

It is almost four months later, four sad and slow months since the wedding when Regina has her late evening drinking rudely interrupted. From the minute the heavy hammering starts she knows who it is and her stomach drops. She doesn't want to answer the door, she wants to avoid this confrontation. She has been successfully navigating the blonde for months, they barely speak unless it is job related and that suits them both.

But tonight, something has changed because her ex-lover has actively sought her out. With a heavy sigh she stands, knowing from the late hour and the uneven knocking Emma is drunk and unlikely to just give up and go away. To be fair Emma had never really been good at that part, years ago she had dug in and stayed in town and Regina can't really find it with-in herself to regret that. Their time together might be over now, but there were months when it was so good and she won't feel guilty for being happy. She won't feel bad about the good times. Certainly she misses the woman terribly and is sad now that it is over, but she will eventually heal and get better. It is when she has thoughts like this she misses Archie and his gentle soul, she would love to talk her feelings out with him, but that part of him is gone and no magic can fix that.

She is aware that if Emma had turned tail and fled all those years ago she would never have the strength of relationship she does with Henry and she wouldn't have known the friendships and love she has developed in the years since. She would still be stuck mid curse, alone and bored. So she doesn't regret Emma staying, she just wishes she would go away now.

Wishing she had drunk more and wasn't still sober she forces herself towards the front door. As she weakly pulls it open she curls her lip into a self-protecting snarl. Attack had always served her well in the past. She has an insult on the tip of her tongue, but she holds back as she watches with some amusement as Emma almost falls through the open space and stumbles into the entrance hall.

"Well Miss Swan, I can't say this is a pleasant surprise." She allows the bitterness to filter through, but Emma is so far gone she can't hear it.

Standing stiffly she lets her eyes wander over the unsteady and clearly struggling to hold herself upright frame of the blonde. Her hair is a mess and her usually bright and beautiful eyes are glassy. Her face is a little slack and Regina sees the fact her Ex is well and truly hammered, but she is unsurprised by this. One of Emma's many addictions in the past had been drink and she has clearly relapsed tonight.

The Mayor has also been hearing rumours for weeks now about the state of the Saviour's marriage so she can't honestly say she is surprised by the appearance of her past lover, especially in this state.

"Hello Regina." The words are slurred and Emma can't hold her gaze.

"What can I do for you Miss Swan?" The brunette can't keep the distain from her voice, she hadn't really wanted to. Emma's treatment of her had been hurtful and she had always struggled with being nice to people who had upset her. Even if she loved them deep down. Mother had been pushed through a mirror and many a time her father had taken the backlash. He had supported her, listening to her vent her anger and aggression and she had never giving him any support in return. All because he hadn't stood up to her mother during her childhood. She felt justified in undermining him and belittling him, treating him just as her mother had, never really seeing how wrong it was until she had spent years without him and with his blood covering her hands.

"It's all your fault." Emma points a finger and takes an ungraceful step forward.

Regina instinctively steps back, not through fear, she could never fear Emma, but she can't have her in her space. She raises an eyebrow at such a ridiculous notion.

"What is my fault Miss Swan? That you are drunk? I think that was all you."

"That I can't make things work with Charlie."

Regina's lip curls and her nose wrinkles at the pet name. Charles suited him, he was an accountant in the cursed world, a man with a petty power complex, a dull grey suit that matched the way he lived his life. Charlie conveyed someone who had a cheeky smile and was lively, not the man Emma had walked down the aisle to marry. He was definitely a Charles.

"I hardly think that is my fault." Regina responds haughtily, because really, she has done nothing but stand by and leave Emma to her own devises. This was really all down to Emma and her desperate escape plan to eject Regina from her life and her heart.

Regina was well aware at the time, but more so now that the plan was ill conceived and likely to fail. If she couldn't remove Emma from her heart then she was pretty sure Emma was just masking her feelings and denying to herself the contents of her own heart. Regina was clearly a fixture in the blonde's beating organ and Emma's next words only solidified Regina's view.

"It is. It is all your fault. Before I was with you I could have done this."

"And what is this?" Regina asks her inebriated visitor, she is losing patience and how she wishes Emma would just leave, because this is wrong. They avoid each other, they don't share space or try and converse anymore. That is done with. Emma made that abundantly clear and she has no right to stand in Regina's house and try and spread round the guilt she is feeling about her failing marriage.

"This." There is rapid waving of a ringed hand underneath Regina's nose. "I could have been happy with Charles. You know, fake it until you make it. I could have pretended he was the one. He is safe and he cares, we could have been good together."

"Emma." Regina sighs because she is tired and Emma is drunk and she doubts anything she says tonight will be remembered by the morning. But Regina doesn't want to hear this, she doesn't know if she can stand to hear the words falling from Emma's mouth, because they just hurt. They speak of something beautiful that somehow became twisted and it is now buried in the past. Her lover is someone new, her feelings for him shallow and that was Emma's choice, one they both need to live with.

"If I'd never been with you I'd have never known what I was missing! I'd never have realised how dull and boring and simple he is in his views and outlook. If I didn't have you to compare him to, I would be able to make this work." She nods violently at this, Regina thinks she might be trying to convince herself.

"Are you saying you can't make this work?" And Regina isn't sure why she is asking, some kind of sick curiosity she supposes, but the question is out and now Emma is struggling to think of a reply because she really is drunk and her thought process has slowed considerably. The older woman shouldn't be probing, it isn't fair to take advantage of the blonde in this state, but Emma came to her house so the brunette thinks anything is fair now.

"He thinks we can. He says he'd do anything for me. And you know what, he probably would. He is so desperate to have The Saviour for a wife he has already agreed to completely stupid things. I laughingly told him that we should get one of the dwarves in to spice up our sex life earlier"

Regina looks horrified and like she might vomit, thankfully Emma is so far gone she doesn't notice and carries on, "I was joking, I just wanted to gage his reaction. He said yes! He is that scared to lose me he'll sleep with Grumpy in some sick porn show!"

Emma looks up into Regina's eyes then, some clarity cutting through the fog that is swirling in her mind. She looks scared and vulnerable and still so very young and lost. It is a look that would have once broken Regina's heart, but as that has already happened she just purses her lips and fists her hands just a little tighter.

"That's not ok is it 'Gina? Even if we had problems, you don't just invite someone else into your bed and think that's a solution."

She shudders then, her eyes so close to tears and Regina is caught between her warring emotions. She hates the way Emma has behaved, she feels she was thrown away without a second thought and yet the love is still strong for the broken woman stood unsteadily before her.

She fights for a long few seconds, willing her body not to betray her. They are done, over, at the blonde's insistence. And yet she still finds she is struggling to keep her hands at her sides. She wants to wrap them around the woman before her but she must stay strong. She must, because Emma is a runner and right now she is drunk and running from her husband, but that doesn't mean anything to her. Or for her.

She is being unwillingly dragged into Emma's marriage and needs to keep her distance. Emma might finally be waking up to the realisation this was a mistake, but it is her mistake and she needs to correct it herself. Regina can't have an opinion, because whatever she says is bound to be taken the wrong way. She needs to be impartial and that is why she tries to remove herself from the conversation.

"What goes on behind closed doors in someone else's marriage is none of my business Miss Swan."

"I think about you every day and even more every night. You are as much a part of my marriage as he is." Her eyes are full of sincerity, there is love and passion and fire shining desperately through.

And Regina wishes Emma hadn't just said that, that her words haven't just smashed through her newly built wall with her brand of blunt honesty. So she does the only sensible thing left to her, because she can't trust her mouth to say anything and she feels the desperate need to give the woman in front of her comfort, comfort she knows will be sucked up like a sponge because it feels so natural between them. It would be easy to slip back into that dynamic, but that is wrong, Emma is married and Regina won't let her get under her skin again. She needs to protect herself at all costs.

Part of her wants to smile, the words lifting her and making her spirits soar, she swears her heart that had felt dead and numb suddenly slams into life in her chest, very much a traitor to her mind that is fighting to keep some distance. But Emma's words, her honesty as she admits that Regina hadn't been forgotten, they touch her just like Emma's gentle caress after making love used to. They tell the brunette that she might have been rejected but she was still a strong presence in the blonde's thoughts, just as Emma is almost constantly in hers. She is still wanted but she can't, can't give in to the way that makes her feel. That road will only lead to more heartbreak when Emma leaves her in the morning.

Her words to Ruby and a half made promise to not turn Emma away echo and she pulls strength from somewhere. She doesn't know where, because she has felt nothing but weak since her hospital visit and abandonment shortly after. She holds the stair rail in a death grip, using it to help her focus and hold onto her emotions and self-control. This is her house, she is in control. She knows that is a lie, her blood is pumping and she feels a little light headed because even a little dishevelled Emma's pout and gorgeous body affects her. Right now though, the lie is enough for that moment and she is spinning on her heel and going upstairs, a very casual, "I'm sure you remember where the guestroom is" thrown over her shoulder.

She doesn't look back, but hears the uncoordinated shuffling behind her as Emma pulls herself together and starts her stumbling and shambolic journey to find a bed that isn't shared with her husband. And Regina thinks that maybe, just maybe, Emma is stubborn enough to go back to him in the morning, but she isn't sure. Because she had seen the truth in Emma's eyes, the love still shining there for her and she thinks how unworthy Charles is and that Emma might be realising deep down where she can no longer lie to herself about that fact.

Sleep will be hard fought for tonight, the reasons for allowing Emma to sleep under her roof again will keep chasing round her tired brain. She thinks she should have opened the front door and kicked Emma out, but she couldn't. She had been called callous and heartless, cold and detached in her past life, but she couldn't in good conscience do that to Emma tonight. She can't find her old strength and bitterness, can't be so nasty that she ignored the blonde who is so obviously floundering, so desperately reaching out for someone to stem the hurt. She can't inflict more pain by withholding a safe haven and a stilted version of friendship from the clearly distressed Sheriff.

She curls in on herself and pulls the blankets tighter. The morning is bound to be awkward too and she has a headache starting to form. She lays there awake for a long time, long after she knows Emma has passed out and her snoring is carrying through the wall.

And god she even misses that, the soft breathing against her neck or in her ear when they had shared a bed. But there is a wall separating them, and she knows it needs to stay that way, she has to learn to accept this and carry on. She needs to rise above it all and be an adult and she will. She will. She promises herself over and again, she will be strong.

* * *

"Henry." Regina's smile is natural, and he can hear it through the phone, a warmth in her voice that she only gets when speaking to him. She can't hide how much she loves to hear from her son, it is about the only thing that makes her genuinely happy these days.

"Hi Mom." His lust for life is infectious and Regina feels her heart swell, her son was always able to mend her after she has fallen apart.

Somewhere upstairs she hears hurried footsteps and Emma slamming a door, Regina suspects on her way to the bathroom and violent vomiting and she shakes her head. On the other end of the phone Henry hears the muffled noise and is quick to ask,

"Who's there Mom?" Regina thinks she hears the faintest sound of hope there, like if she has a visitor that maybe she is going out more and interacting and he can stop the endless worrying.

And she knows he is worried, she knows from the daily phone calls and the way he tries to mother her through the phone. It is endearingly sweet if a little odd to have her son so concerned for her. She is fine, she is coping and his concern is misplaced, but it makes her feel good to know the distance hasn't diminished his love for her.

"Your other mother Dear." And he hears the clipped tones and knows he needs to tread carefully with her. She could easily close down and shut him out because her emotions are still haywire about his blonde mother.

"What is she doing there?" He keeps his question casual.

"Right now I believe she is being violently sick."

"Not what I meant." He comes back at her and she realises she is smirking, she loves her son and the word play and banter they fall into so easily.

"I am given to understand her marriage is in trouble." Regina responds, her voice cool and no hint of emotional at all. Henry knows she has put the mask in place, he doesn't need to see her face, he knows her well enough.

"Well there's a shocker!" his voice drips with sarcasm and she fights with herself, the smile she sports indicating she has lost because that was exactly her thought on the matter and Henry is so her son. But still, it is a disrespectful remark and he was brought up knowing better than to be sarcastic. The smile on her face is inappropriate but thankfully this is a phone call and he can't see it.

"Henry!" she tries to rebuke him but he jumps in.

"No Mom, she doesn't get sympathy, she doesn't get support. She made this mess herself. She has put everyone through this unnecessarily, but especially you and if she had just listened and been rational she would have known this was all wrong. Did she really not know this was a mistake?"

"Actually I think both Emma and Charles were blinded by, well I'm not sure by what, but they didn't think this was a mistake. I think Emma thought she could do this and right now she is completely shocked that she can't."

"Mom, um, where….." he stutters and then takes a breath and asks the question anyway, "Where did she sleep last night?"

"In the guestroom. Do you think I'd be stupid enough to rekindle things with a clearly drunk and still very much married woman? Besides, she isn't mine to love like that anymore."

His Mother's honesty and sadness as she asks him this cuts into him, she is still so very much in love with Emma and still so broken over her leaving. And he can't understand his blonde mother at the moment, this behaviour isn't who she is. A few seconds of quiet spin out and Regina knows he has ducked his head and is thinking about his question, probably a little ashamed from the silence she gets from the other end of the phone line.

"I just wanted to check." He finally says, "I know you still love her and that you'd do anything for her. I didn't want you to get hurt and I'm sorry if that was inappropriate to ask."

"It wasn't Henry, I know you asked because you care. And I am glad you care."

"I love you, and I'm so sorry Emma is being a dick at the moment." And that is where Regina knows he is Emma's son too. It is so like her Ex to be that crass with such blunt honesty. Like a sledgehammer. And at times her son can be like that too.

"That was inappropriate Henry." She scolds him, because he should never refer to the blonde like that. Yes, Regina thinks, she has been a dick, a prize one, but Henry should curb his criticism of the blonde. Emma loves him and is just very lost at the moment and she might be entitled to just a little bit of sympathy.

She never wanted Henry to pick a side, she knows he is in her corner and has been so very supportive, but it upsets her that he has had to choose. She feels strongly a child shouldn't ever have to do that, she feels parents should always protect their children and never place that level of responsibility on their shoulders. She grew up in a strained and irregular family, where she was punished for unconditionally loving her father and one of her biggest regrets is that she ever trying to force Henry to stay with her back when the curse was in effect.

She knew from experience how easy it is to damage a child and yet she had still done that to her baby boy. So she refuses to make him to pick a side over this and she never will. She stills feel guilty for her behaviour despite Henry's assurances he has forgiven her and she guesses she always will, because out of anyone, she should have known better, should have seen the damage the tug of war was doing to their son.

But it is the past and she knows to let it go, dwelling on these things doesn't help. So she listens to Henry as he justifies his "Emma is a dick" comment. So like her, logical and ordered as he lists his argument.

"But she is and you deserve better than to be the person she runs to when she has marital issues. Did she think you'd welcome her and do cosy friendship like you used to? Tell her how to fix things?" Henry muses aloud and Regina loves the relationship she has built with their son. He has become a thoughtful young man, with so much love in his heart and so much care in his demeanour. She can be honest with him and know she won't be judged and knows they are friends as well as family.

"No, she came here to blame me." Regina thinks back to the dark days when Henry wanted nothing to do with her, and she had learned the hard way to be honest with her son and smiles as she realises this conversation isn't nearly the weirdest they have had in their years together.

"She left, she ran away. How can she blame you?" The incredulity is clear in his voice and Regina misses him so much at that moment.

"Well she does. Apparently I made her feel loved and wanted and it is my fault her husband struggles in that department."

"Are you sure I can't call her a dick?" Henry laughs into the phone and Regina gives up trying to tell him off, because only Emma would seriously try and tell The Evil Queen something was her fault. With the thought about her past persona she abruptly stops smiling. With shocking speed things become just a little bit clearer, Regina takes a breath as clarity washes over her. She suddenly understands that misplaced blame Emma has, that is something they have in common and it took her years to be able to straighten hers out.

Emma is so like she used to be at this moment, she is angry and scared and she is pushing people away and building walls. She isn't walking around in corsets and sinfully tight pants just yet, but she is lying to herself and placing blame and reacting with far too much aggression and so little self-control. It makes Regina shiver just slightly, because whatever Archie started, she has just realised, she is ideally placed to continue. She has knowledge of this behaviour, she has lived through it. She just needs to get through to Emma. She knows how hard that will be, because nothing would have deterred her when she was Queen in the Enchanted Forest, well nothing except Daniel, her True Love.

And god it scares her, because she knows deep down Emma has a True Love. And as she takes another deep breath she thinks that possibly that might be enough. It is conceivable that the power of True Love will bring Emma back from the edge of this destructive cycle she seems to be in, but there is almost always a cost involved where either Emma or Regina are concerned. It is with very real apprehension she decides she will go down this path because she doesn't think she can bear the pain and suffering if she is wrong. She isn't sure her poor damaged heart can take anymore sorrow and rejection.

She knows before she can help the blonde she needs to find herself, find more strength and the belief she can do this. If she needed anymore motivation to do this she only needs think of the many times Emma has always been there for her in the past. Fighting her own parents over her belief Regina had changed, that she deserved a chance and her freedom after the curse broke, then again in Neverland. Emma had continued to stand up and defend her over the years, from taking on the Dark One's darkness to being firmly dependable through Henry's teenage tantrums.

Regina knows the blonde has always done her best to protect her, so she knows whatever it takes, she will be there for her friend. Even strained and broken as their relationship is now, she will extend a hand of friendship to her ex-lover this time. And she isn't sure they will ever go back to being lovers, but True Love has many guises and maybe being Emma's friend will be enough. Someone to guide her and help her and make her see this isn't who she is and that she is destroying herself slowly but thoroughly with her sham marriage.

She has always felt better when she was planning and felt actively involved in a situation. It wasn't much, but it was all she had and she knew it was hope that was slowly filling her. She had never felt more like a member of the Charming family than at that point and she rolls her eyes at her own behaviour.

Cradling the phone like Henry can feel her touch she comments, "I think I hear more movement upstairs, I have to go check on her. Have a good day My Prince."

"Yeah, you too Mom. I love you."

"I love you too Henry." And with that affectionate goodbye warming her insides she pulls the phone away from her ear and disconnects the call, knowing she has run out of time. She has to deal with a very hung over blonde, who may or may not remember anything from last night. She grabs a glass, fills it from the sink and then opens a cupboard and palms the bottle of painkillers before taking a deep breath and going upstairs.

* * *

Emma walks back into her old and empty apartment and has to rush to get to the toilet in time as her stomach lurches again. It has been a long time since she has been this rough and her head feels like a jack hammer is pounding inside it. As she rinses her mouth out she looks at herself in the mirror above the sink. Her eyes are red rimmed and bloodshot and her hair is a complete mess. She is in yesterday's clothes and she realises she doesn't smell so fresh, a mixture of stale booze, the smell of sweat and vomit linger around her and she feels disgusted at herself.

Worse she knows her husband will be disgusted too, but he will cover it up with his odd smile and ability to ignore the obvious. The obvious being that their marriage is in trouble, has been since the words "I do" were exchanged. He will make an excuse for her behaviour because she is the Saviour and then pretend the whole incident had never happened. She shakes her head and thinks marriage was meant to be easy and better than this.

She has some memory loss too and knows she has screwed herself because she woke up at Regina's house. She had been avoiding the brunette with a good degree of success for months now, and really it was a good plan because the feelings seeing her create just confuse her. Their relationship was over and she was married, she was meant to be happy. So why did seeing the beautiful brunette woman still affect her so badly? And why did she have a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach that she might have said or done something stupid last night?

She doesn't know why she kept paying the rent on the apartment, she had moved in with Charlie after their wedding, but she is glad for it now. She doesn't feel comfortable letting her husband see her like this and she needs peace and quiet to sleep off the hang over. He would just bother her, fussing and trying to help in his misguided way of loving her. She realises she should have spent the night here, but somehow she had regressed and gone to the place she still occasionally slips and thinks of as home.

She pulls her phone from her pocket to find several missed calls and text messages from her husband. The messages all say the same thing, just in different ways. "I'm sorry" and yet Emma feels he has no idea what he is apologising for, he just feels he ought to say it to make everything right. She knows everything is wrong because she doesn't want to go and see him and straighten this out. She plans to bed down here and sleep and hope once the headache recedes she might be able to think more clearly. She doesn't think she can accept an apology that is hollow and empty, because it will be. Charlie is trying so hard but he doesn't understand her and never will. He didn't understand what had upset her yesterday, or that she sometimes needs space and wanted to go drinking without him last night.

As each day passes Emma is realising her husband is a complete traditionalist who is struggling in this new world. He has rigid ideas about the roles of husband and wife and he struggles with Emma's free spirit. He wants her to keep the house clean and cook his meals. He wants to upgrade her car because he thinks it shows a lack of sophistication and that a car is a symbol of status. Emma's yellow and old VW just isn't good enough for him. He tolerates her job but feels she would be happier staying at home and practising for when the children he plans for are born.

She can't help comparing him to Regina, who had been happy to let Emma be herself. And Regina hated the Bug, referring to it as a "death-trap" but she had left Emma to make her own choices and decisions because she trusted her. The brunette had loved her deeply and would never try to stifle the younger woman. The Bug had survived for years including Regina's criticism, but was in real danger of being replaced after only a few months of married life and the blonde thought this was probably only the beginning of the changes Charlie had in mind.

It was as she discussed with him and tried to put her views across that she realised how very little they had in common, how narrow minded he was and that it would take a herculean effort to make this work. An effort she wasn't really prepared to make because she didn't love him. She just felt him trying to trap her which wasn't fair to the man. He just didn't know any better and thought his views were completely acceptable, and in another world and to some women they would be. Some women would love to be looked after and cared for, not having to make a decision because their husband spoke for them, but that wasn't Emma. She was the daughter of Snow White, she was never going to be someone's stay at home trophy wife.

And often when they disagreed and he started to panic that Emma didn't share his ideas and views she watched his fear nearly consume him. So scared that his perfect marriage would fail he would start to throw his beliefs under the bus and agree to anything. Emma felt bad that she had pushed at him last night. It was clear to her that she obviously had more confidence and self belief than he did, she was passionate in her desires and argued strongly for them. He was not used to being challenged, more so by his wife, a woman he had obviously expected to obediently follow his directions and requests. It was a mess and wasn't doing either of them any good.

Emma lowers her her head and takes a deep breath, hoping her stomach is beginning to settle, even as her mind whirls round faster with jumbled thoughts.

As she realised more and more over the preceding weeks things weren't good, she became unsettled. Her fight or flight desire reared its head and it culminated last night. So in a mild form (for her) she had escaped last night. She had blown him off for the night and had run to get a drink, because that was what she did, but it wasn't an indefinite solution.

Now as she struggles to meet her own gaze in the mirror she knows she needs to think about what she wants from the relationship and whether she is going to text him back. She decides against it, instead she drags herself out of the bathroom and crawls into the bare mattress of the bed, deciding everything can wait until later as she feels so exhausted.

* * *

Snow knocks on her door later that afternoon. Regina has stripped the spare bed by then and is pottering around the kitchen. Her conversation with Emma had been very brief, the blonde trying to escape from the house the minute their eyes connected. She had just about managed "Thank you" for the hospitality and the pain killers before she had shrugged into her jacket and was rushing down the stairs and out the front door.

So Regina had busied herself, cleaning and baking to take her mind off the late night visit. To be honest she is glad for Snow's arrival, it is a welcome distraction. Having welcomed Snow she makes them tea, both sitting companionably at the island in her kitchen. It wasn't unusual for Snow to drop in, but it was usually arranged and the older woman had an idea this visit was over something specific, probably something blonde and frantic.

She lifts her eyebrow and waits for Snow to fill the silence.

"How are you?" Snow opens with and Regina humours her.

"Quite well thank you."

Snow takes a sip of her tea. "You look tired, how are you sleeping?"

Regina recognises the unsubtle way Snow is trying to steer the conversation and decides to take charge of this. Her reply is curt, "Alone."

The younger woman has the good grace to blush, knowing she has been caught prying.

Regina continues, "You sound just like your Grandson, he was asking questions that don't concern him about my sleeping arrangements."

The comment could have been barbed, once upon a time it might have been taken as such, the older woman telling the younger to butt out of her business. But these days, after so many years of dancing round one another, Snow takes it in the way it was intended and they smile gently at one another. They both know Henry was the common ground to begin with but there is now plenty they have to talk about and share.

"You told Henry she was here?" she echoes Regina's remark.

"He rang this morning and heard her moving around upstairs. I was honest with him, like I'll be honest with you. She was blind drunk last night and I care too much about her to openly turn her away. So yes, she stayed, in the guestroom. And she left this morning, very hung over. If I had to hazard a guess I imagine someone spotted her and went tattling back to you. Small town gossips, I sometimes wish I was still The Evil Queen and could kill all the peasants you know." There is a malicious smirk and Snow can only shake her head at the dark humour. She also sees that it is an attempt to deflect the conversation and attention from the topic at hand.

"Someone did mention it to me, yes. Are you alright?" And Snow reaches out and touches Regina's hand, her concern clear.

"I think you should be checking on your daughter, she was the one who was barely conscious and still retching as she walked down the sidewalk."

"Emma will be fine, she just over did the drinking. She'll resurface once she has slept it off."

"You haven't heard from her today?" Regina was going for a casual tone but Snow sees through it, hearing the concern for her daughter despite the Mayor trying to sound nonchalant.

"Not yet, but this isn't the first time she has gone on a bender. She is an adult who can mostly take care of herself. Plus she can't do anything around town without someone noticing, and no-one has tattled to me yet." Snow winks at the older woman, throwing her words back at her and loving the creased forehead, frown and crossed arms she gets in return. The gestures are accompanied by a dissatisfied "Hmm" from the older woman indicating her displeasure at being baited and Snow knows it well. Slowly, so very slowly, Regina is rebuilding herself, becoming more like the woman she had been this time last year.

"Did you talk to her at all?"The younger woman asks.

"No." Regina isn't really lying, because they hadn't really talked. Emma had been the one speaking, despite Regina wishing she wouldn't. She went on to clarify, "She was a mess, most of what she spoke was self indulged babble."

"Oh." Snow obviously hoping it had been something more.

"It did make me realised something though." Regina continues.

"What?" Snow shows her interest, she had heard something in Regina's tone, it wasn't quite so defeated.

"That Emma reminds me of a past version of myself, lost and angry. And that she could well be falling off the wagon too, which isn't good for anyone's health but could be fatal for a Sheriff."

"You wouldn't take her badge, would you?" Snow is suddenly concerned, because Regina could do that if she felt her Sheriff was compromised and unfit for duty.

"No, you misunderstand me Snow. I won't take her badge unless she forces my hand, and to my knowledge her "benders" as you put them are few and far between. I mean that I think she is in a bad head space, one I recognise. If I'm honest last night was like looking in a dirty mirror into my past. Emma is struggling with her emotions and her control, and she has turned to drink like I turned to magic. She doesn't want to face her problem so falls into an old and familiar addiction instead."

Regina stops for a moment, measuring her words, thinking about what she is going to say. "I think after her visit last night I might be able to help her. And I'm prepared to help her, to hold out my hand in friendship. The person who came to see me last night, that wasn't Emma. That was a shell of a person and she needs help. I can't be selfish and ignore her anymore. She needs me and she deserves that from me."

"Are you sure? Regina she is my child but even I can't blame you if you walked away from her. Her treatment of you was deplorable, especially after she promised you forever, made declarations about love and life she hasn't been able to keep."

"You think me foolish?" The older woman queries.

"No, I just want you to be sure. She hurt you badly and I don't want to see that happen again." Snow gives her a half smile, she knows her daughter is in a bad place and she is grateful that Regina has offered to help her, but she doesn't want to lose the older woman to her pain. They have all seen where that leads and no-one wants a replay.

"I'm sure. She is struggling with the darkness and came to me, indirectly I'm sure she was reaching out. I think subconsciously it was on purpose, we have always been tied together and understood each other so well. And if it was I can't read too much into that. Maybe it was habit, maybe there is still love there, but for whatever reason I couldn't live with myself if I turned my back and let her self destruct."

"You still love her." It is a statement, no room for argument.

"Of course I do, but I don't expect her to return my feelings. I am doing this because it is the right thing to do. I need to try to save her, like she has saved me so often in the past."

"I hope Emma realises what she has thrown away. I hope she is able to see the wonderful person you are and accepts your help. But you know she is stubborn and it won't be easy. Regina are you strong enough to handle her rejection again?"

"I was The Evil Queen, I had strength and stubborness that drove me to try and kill you for over a decade, do you really doubt my ability in this?" Regina is smiling with all her old regal demeanour, her tone is superior and the look on her face mocking.

"You haven't been her for quite some time." Snow fires back, not being even slightly intimidated by the other brunette.

"No, you are right." Regina holds her gaze. "Now I am a woman who has friendship and love and I am in a better place. It gives me a different kind of strength, and I'm sure you will be glad I am no longer driven by homicidal tendancies."

"Using dark humour as a defence no longer keeps me out either. I am your friend and you forget I know you too well."

"I haven't forgotten and I am grateful for your friendship and concern. But I need to do this, both for Emma and myself. I can't let her go or move on while we are stuck in this situation where we ignore each other and still have unresolved feelings between us."

"Please try not to push her too hard so she runs again."

Snow fidgets with her hands and Regina remembers the time in the Enchanted Forest when Emma lived in New York and they were separated. How hard it had hit Snow and was a daily reminder to her of the 28 years apart, the lost chances to hold, mould and raise her baby into a Princess. It instilled a deep fear in both Snow and Charming that they might lose their daughter again and Regina is sympathetic to that. Before Henry she might have dismissed the feelings and emotions, after all the purpose of the curse was to make Snow suffer, but since Henry and his love, since being a parent herself she has changed. She well knows the pain of being separated from a child and she knows nothing will take her guilt away. And she has lots of guilt, for hurting Snow and Charming who are now like family but more so for the lost years that Emma had suffered alone.

Snow sits at the counter worried about her daughter's conduct and behaviour, but she also knows Emma lacks motivation to change things and is stagnant in a rut. All the while her daughter is stuck like this she is stable, if miserable and unhappy. Snow knows it is wrong and she wants her daughter to return to feeling, to open up her heart again, but she knows that exerting pressure on Emma could backfire and that there is a chance she might bolt. If Emma were to leave Storybrooke, if things deteriorate and she feels unable to stay, well that would break her mother. This plea is from the heart and Regina only manages to smile grimly.

"I'll do my very best Snow." And both women know that is the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

Thought I could get this done in 3 chapters but suspect I want to wrap it up in a fourth. So here is the next instalment, less angst than before and more hope, more positive.

Enjoy the read, thanks as always to anyone fav/following and reviewing.

* * *

Regina looked down at the paperwork in front of her. She couldn't say she'd honestly thought about it before, but now there was something very wrong with the small town she had built. They had a police force, they obeyed law and order. They had a town hall and a Mayor to preside over it all. They had a hospital and doctors and nurses, she had even thought about trash collection, schooling and recreational activities like drinking and swimming. But they didn't have a judge or a working judicial system. Strange as she had made George a lawyer, but he had been an ally in The Enchanted Forest and she had felt it right to give him power and money during the curse. His role like all fancily suited and booted lawyers was to strut around self-importantly but he had done no work or had an active case during the curse.

It was Ok when Kathryn and David had separated, they hadn't needed to actually file for divorce because the curse had broken and the truth was out in the open by then. They were not legally married, so they just walked away from each other. And Mary Margaret had never been officially charged for the murder, so again, they had never had to try and address anything legally.

Regina knew they could never send paperwork for the town's folk outside of Storybrooke, because the outside world would have no record of them. Which meant the divorce papers she held in her hand were suddenly her responsibility. As Mayor and Ex-Queen she was deemed the person closest to a judge, closest to understanding this world and its customs and laws.

She looked at Emma's name and knew she shouldn't be the one to agree to dissolving the marriage. She was biased, she should have refused to do this. But she had been looking at the paperwork for over a week now and just kept avoiding making any kind of decision. It didn't help she had no idea who else to pass the job onto. She thought she ought to call a hearing, listen to both parties, try and arbitrate and get a feel for the circumstances before making a decision, but she was loath to do that. If it had been any other couple she would have and she knew she would have been fair and sought to make the best decision, but she was painfully aware that in this case she was likely to listen to her heart and not her head.

Until recently she would have suggested marriage counselling, she had a very good therapist she could recommend, but Archie had lost that gift and she didn't think anyone else was qualified. She was absolutely certain Emma wouldn't sit and let any of the Princesses talk to her about the joys and wonder of True Love, about Happy Endings that revolved round a man and how to bake her way back into his heart. It made Regina cringe that most of the women still thought a wife should honour her husband and chase round after him, cooking, cleaning and being at his command.

The old world was so very rigid, Divorce was unheard of and the words "Till death do us part" were honoured. Of course death often came much more quickly than anyone wanted, with illness, magic and murder being rife. So she knew Emma's request was perfectly reasonable in this land, but it might not be welcomed by the town that still looked back as much as they did forwards.

The fact that she had tailored the curse, manufacturing her own problem because she hadn't understood this world, made her smile grimly. For 28 years it hadn't mattered, hadn't even occurred to her there was a problem. There was petty crime but nothing that required a heavier handed intervention. Her office handed out traffic and parking tickets and the Sheriff's department chased up minor vandalism and made the perpetrators clean it up. Community service or sleeping off a drunken rant in the cells were the standard punishments.

But now she wished she had created a well-rounded town that would deal with this. But then Storybrooke was like every other small American town, where doctors doubled as coroners, car showrooms were unheard of, all car sales went through the local mechanic, and the local priest was likely the local counsellor and therapist. It even appeared the Mayor could judge cases of guilt and dissolve marriages, the role seen as closest to a judge or jury. She stewed over it, annoyed with her slice of typical small town America, with the responsibility firmly sitting at her door.

She didn't think anyone in the town would actually ask her to judge on someone's guilt. Certainly she had changed, was viewed as a friend and hero by many, but she had spent years being the judge, jury and executioner in the old world. She had harshly ended lives, making decisions without discussion or real thought, only acting on her anger and rage, so now people were still wary of her. And she understood that and that she herself was guilty, so had no right to judge someone else in that regard.

Moving Emma's paper again so she could get on with proper town work, signing off budgets and allocating funds, updating her diary and pencilling in meetings she tried to ignore that she needed to make a decision.

She was caught between a rock and a hard place, because Charles adamantly wanted to keep Emma. He viewed her words and the ceremony as legally binding, but Emma desperately wanted to be free of him. She was going to cause upset whatever she did and if she sided with Emma then there would always be questions about whether she had acted because of her feelings about the blonde. There would be insinuations about Regina's character, the respect she had fought hard for would come under scrutiny and there were bound to be whispers they were still lovers.

And they weren't, Regina had held out her hand in friendship to the younger woman, but that was all. They were platonic, Emma was now able to open up and laugh with her and forget her home life and the disaster that she had created by marrying in haste.

And somewhere in the discussions, at some point, Emma had realised she would be happier on her own. That she had made a mistake and didn't love Charles. That it wasn't fair to either of them to continue the pretence that they were happily married.

And Regina would swear on Henry's life she hadn't led the blonde to that conclusion. Emma had just finally woken up to the fact she was miserable and she had friends to talk to, who understood her, and that unfortunately her husband wasn't one of them. He didn't understand her, they didn't talk about things that mattered, about feelings or planning things together. They were basically living separate lives already, married only in title, not in reality.

Charles had found it odd that Emma wanted to spend time with Regina, he couldn't understand why she needed time away from him, why she would want a social life with friends, especially ex-lovers. He had a very limited social circle, in fact he might really only have work colleagues and acquaintances. Emma was his world, his wife who he expected to come home to, who he thought should listen to him moan about his day over dinner. His view was so limited, so restrictive and Emma reared up against the feeling of being restrained and dictated to. She had spent her life in the foster system being told how to behave, to smile so she'd be adopted, to be quiet and wait patiently. To play nicely and not run round with the boisterous children, to go to sleep and not complain she was hungry. And then in prison being watched and made to conform, both by the guards and by the other prisoners who thought she looked like an easy target. And after that, coming to Storybrooke and having the expectation of being both Mother and Daughter thrust upon her, to behave sensibly, to break a curse. And now she felt her husband pushing her into yet another role she didn't want and she was finally strong enough to reject it.

So Regina was the reason that yet another wedge was driven between the couple and she felt Charles jealousy if they crossed paths. He couldn't look at her or meet her eye and he was distinctly cold towards her if they did stop in the street to converse. He was clipped and stilted and Regina felt his hostility towards her. He had stopped short of making any accusations, but it was clear he was worried about the older brunette and would rather his wife did as she was told and stayed at home rather than going out for late night drinking at the mansion.

As the evenings became more regular, the conversation had started to flow easily. They began with Henry, because everything always had done. And that was yet another thing Charles didn't understand. He wanted children, but he couldn't accept Henry, so Emma came to Regina and they discussed their son and his college antics, the girls he would talk about and the parties he tried to deny he was going to. And after Henry they were able to open up, discussing a bad day at work or family engagements that they dearly wanted to get out of and avoid. They could put on the TV and discuss the latest episodes of Orange is the New Black, or old favourites like NCIS and laugh at the 80s haircuts or suits in classic Murder She Wrote.

It felt natural, it left both women feeling the warmth of friendship and the brunette enjoyed seeing Emma happy again, even if it was short lived. Because Emma had always been full of life, and Charles was managing to suck it out of her, and Regina hated that about him. But it didn't mean she was qualified to dissolve their marriage. Her feelings about the man couldn't influence her stance on this.

She knew Emma felt there was no chance, the relationship was dead to her, but she had to see both sides. She had an idea one evening while Emma lounged on a sofa opposite her, admittedly it had been after a few drinks and it might not be one of her best. Her drink inspired plan was that Snow could act as the marriage counsellor. She knew about love and making a relationship work, about struggling and about change. Her and Charming had detested each other at first sight, they had had to adapt to many changes including the twists and turns of Henry and his parentage and who they were all related to. They had had Neal, bringing pregnancy hormones into their relationship and who had made them tired as he cried through the night. He would have required constant supervision and must have diverted their attention away from each other, changing their relationship dynamic as a new baby always will, putting a strain on their love. They had lost their daughter to the darkness and found strength with-in each other to name just a few of the trials the Happy Idiots had been through.

So Regina thought Snow was ideally placed to give advice, much better placed than she herself was with her numerous failed relationships littering her past. When she voiced it to Emma the blood had left the blonde's face.

"Yuk. Really Regina?" Had been the response and Regina tipped her head, not understanding. Emma and her mother were close, why would this be a problem?

"I am not discussing my marital problems with my Mom. She wouldn't understand anyway." Emma elaborated. It was like Regina had opened the floodgates, Emma carried on speaking.

"Charlie isn't passionate, he doesn't instigate anything. And you know I have quite the appetite, I have needs." Emma looked right at her and she felt herself get hot and flushed, she remembered far too well.

"Mom wouldn't understand either, her and Dad have a healthy sex life."

Regina balked at the information she really didn't need to know. Emma sensed her discomfort but kept going anyway, enjoying the glare Regina had thrown her way.

"Did I tell you about the conversation where we discussed bringing in other people, like one of the dwarves?"

Regina nodded, she remembered far too well, the image sometimes still popped into her head unbidden and made her feel quite unwell.

"Can you imagine me explaining to my Mom that we were considering inviting some of her closest friends, people she considered like brothers, into our bed to spice things up? It would be like me fucking an Uncle."

Regina cringed at the expletive and the nonchalance of her Ex. Emma paused to take a breath and Regina had decided she'd heard quite enough. She quickly cut off the blonde by jumping in and saying, "Ok, I understand, it was a bad idea, forget I mentioned it."

She wished she could forget the last 5 minutes as well, knowing Emma wasn't sexually satisfied was probably going to keep her up quite late that evening. She knew how easy it had been between them, how Emma would breathily cry her name, how the pleasure built and exploded, pleasing both of them over and over. She wondered how Emma was managing but she refused to ask, there was definitely a line now they weren't sharing a bed and asking about masturbation and sex aids like vibrators was definitely crossing it. What she did know was that her own vibrator was likely to see some action tonight, she doubted she'd fall asleep until she had taken care of the heat that had morphed between her legs at Emma's opening remark. Even knowing Snow and Charming were at it like bunnies hadn't turned off the desire and she cursed the attractive woman who was able, without any effort or thought, to arouse her so easily.

After that night Regina decided she would stick to perfectly safe and normal topics of conversation. Sex, or the lack of it in Emma's marriage, was definitely not up for discussion. They naturally gravitated to their pasts, their experiences and how they had shaped them into the people they were.

And Regina listened, loving hearing Emma's voice, even when it hitched with emotion when talking about people she had lost in her life. About her mixed feelings for Killian and Neal, her hatred for the families that had kept giving her back while in the care system. They spoke quietly but with conviction about the things they cared for or about. Family, trust, love, friendship and food in Emma's case, designer shoe's in Regina's.

They laughed together and occasionally they cried too. But they shied away from giving physical comfort, both scared that innocent touches might cascade into heated caresses. Regina knew her self control wasn't absolute and she wasn't prepared to test it.

So slowly they dug deeper into what had forged them, what had melded them into the people they were now. Over months, where Regina often went to sleep exhausted from recounting her dark deeds and her twisted past, they grew close again. It was like the 6 months spent ignoring each other hadn't happened and Regina often dreamed those evenings after the blonde went back to her husband that she hadn't walked out the door, she had instead stayed.

But she knew that wasn't what Emma needed, she didn't need a lover complicating things, she needed someone to listen and more than anything the brunette wanted things to be better for her friend. She was devoted to helping her heal, being there through long nights talking about her past, sharing stories where they had both been close to melt down from feeling too much and pushing too hard, feeling the exhaustion but knowing the only choice was to keep going.

They both knew the feeling of being backed into a corner and then attacking because that was the easy thing to do, hurting people and using anger and rage, despair even to fuel their behaviour. The brunette had admitted she often lay away late at night in her royal bedchamber in The Enchanted Forest forcing the voice of reason away because if she had stopped and allowed the calm to settle, she might not have been able to live with herself or her actions.

They both recognised life was a battle, and without someone to guide you or support you every fight changed your character, made you more closed off from your feelings until you were just a shell going through the motions. And Emma would become bitter about her past, or sad, or angry. The older woman began to see the warning signs as the blonde started to raise her voice and her posture changed, tension filling her shoulders which hunched her over. At times she sometimes stood and paced, her energy nervous and erratic, but she would quickly burn through the negative emotions as Regina let her stalk round the room spilling her heart out.

And after that, when Emma managed to let go of little pieces of her aggression and relax a fraction, then she would well up and the tears would come. And she would cuff the tears away, embarrassed and hurting, but knowing she was safe in this place. It used to be their home together, the walls and the magic protecting her and that Regina would never, could never, judge her. In those moments the blonde longed to be held but also knew they had agreed to keep their distance, and Regina's sympathetic smile and loving eyes would have to do for comfort.

The contrast to Charles, to her current home life, was drastic. Her Ex was still her best friend, and unlike Snow or Ruby, she understood the painful twists in Emma's life, the abuse and beatings life had given her, both physically, but more metaphorically. The lovers the blonde had been with all seemed to leave and had left her broken hearted. She had experiences that were scary, were morally questionable, some horrific even. There were past things that scared deep and had never been properly resolved by the blonde so they had bubbled under the surface, boxed away as best Emma could. Waiting for the right questions to unlock the box, to allow them to be discussed and finally brought out into the open and let go. And Regina was gently prising them out of her, making her accept them and face the way they made her feel.

Regina understood so very well because she had been hurt too, she hadn't had her Prince Charming by her side, she hadn't had a kindly Granny to look out for her. She had been physically abused in life much like Emma had, she had had her heart broken by lovers that left her, and she had felt the pressure when every day seemed like a fight. Every day in her own marriage she had been both ignored and made to wonder why she wasn't good enough, or had unreasonable requests made on her time and body from a bumbling husband who occasionally remembered he had needs and a beautiful young wife. The brunette had tried to gloss over the details, knowing that was Emma's Grandfather she was discussing, but it was still mentioned, because they didn't hide anything from the other during the late night talks.

And now they were here, with Regina moving the divorce papers back and forth across her desk, feeling oddly indecisive. She was usually so quick to see a solution, but this stumped her. She had failed to see this as an outcome when she had decided she would try and help Emma.

Regina sat in her office and allowed her mind to wander. She thought back to the day she had taken charge and forced Emma to speak to her. She knew the blonde's schedule and had previously been using the information to avoid the woman. She changed tactic that day and used it to locate her and get her alone.

She had got up early, knowing Emma went running when it was still cool before the sun properly rose to warm the day. Emma always ran the same circuit, ending up down by the docks so she could stand there and warm down, stretching while looking out over the water. She knew Emma found some peace there, with no-one else around, except the seagulls and the sound of the waves. Regina knew Emma would often sit on the bench as the sun rose and enjoyed the breeze drying the sweat from her workout.

That morning the brunette had made sure she was sat on the bench when Emma came jogging past.

It was comical watching Emma spot her seated on the bench and then decide whether she had been seen, if she could turn around and run in the opposite direction and not have to deal with an awkward conversation. Regina took the decision away from her by standing and waving, forcing the blonde to acknowledge her and to jog slowly towards her.

"Good Morning Miss Swan." She greeted.

"Um, Hi." Eloquence had never been the younger woman's strongest suit.

"It is beautiful here." Regina had commented.

Emma just hummed, stretching down to her shoes and picking at the laces so she didn't have to maintain any kind of connection, her eyes were riveted to the floor and Regina felt exasperation at her ex's behaviour.

"Emma." The Queen used her commanding voice, the one that said she was to be obeyed.

The blonde lifted her head at the sound of her name.

"Sit down with me, watch the sun rise. It is beautiful."

And Emma did, and Regina pretended it didn't hurt that she sat at the opposite end of the bench, keeping as much space and distance between them as was possible.

"Do you remember much about the other night, the things you told me?" Regina started, her voice casual. She didn't look at Emma, she kept her eyes on the horizon, the sun beginning to warm her face that she had set and was unreadable.

"Not really." Emma hedged. She remembered the state she had been in when she woke up, she knew what ever had been said or done it likely wasn't pretty.

"You blamed me." Regina stated, so very matter of factly. Only Emma knew her and knew that if the brunette had sought her out, the conversation was going to have a purpose.

"For making you happy." She added.

"Oh." Emma felt the sinking in her stomach again. She had more than messed up, she was lucky she hadn't been fireballed out of the house. You didn't go round shouting and chucking accusations at Regina, she might have calmed and become mellower, but she could still be pushed to lose her temper. Emma knew she had hurt the older woman deeply by ending their relationship, and that a hurt Regina still sometimes lashed out. She had been very lucky that night.

"Sorry." Emma tried. She was picking a stray thread from her jogging pants and refused to look up.

"You were drunk and lost. It wouldn't have been right to turn you away in that state." There was compassion and understanding in the tone the brunette used and Emma raised her head, knowing she didn't deserve that. Regina was still watching the waves, her hands clasped in her lap.

"Thank you for letting me stay." Emma was well aware she hadn't adequately expressed that. She was grateful to the older woman who had still tried to look after her in the morning, who had behaved like an adult and overcome her own pain to let her sleep off her drunk state.

"You are welcome anytime Emma." And Regina looked at her then, there was honestly shining from her eyes, her face open, the lips in a half smile.

Emma felt everything whirl inside of her, felt Regina's eyes drinking her in and she felt panic surface. She wanted to reach out, she wanted to smile and that wasn't right. So she swallowed a lump in her throat and stood. Regina looked beautiful as the sun washed over her features, making her skin glow. Her eyes were so full of emotion, telling Emma she was loved and missed without a word falling from her plump lips. And she still cared so much for the brunette, and she wished things were different. She stood shakily as she felt tears fill her eyes.

Regina saw the emotions flicker across Emma's face, watched her take a step away from her. And she knew she had pushed her enough and needed to let her go and tried not to feel disappointed. Emma was delicate, fragile at the moment. She called out to the retreating back of the woman, "Anytime Emma, I mean it. Lasagne, cider, coffee and cookies. A friend to talk to, I'll be there."

She saw the bob of blonde hair and a strangled noise that sounded like "OK" before Emma was moving away quickly and the brunette sighed. She supposed it could have gone worse. At least Emma had listened and it hadn't turned into a shouting match. They had just illustrated they could do civil and remain calm and maybe there was a chance. She would need to keep chipping away at the younger woman until they both felt comfortable with each other. It would just take time, but now she was single and without Henry, she had lots of that.

* * *

At term break Henry came home and there were some awkward dinners at Granny's with the 3 of them, but they served the purpose so the two women opened up the channels of communication and things were less strained between them.

Regina was welcoming to the blonde, who struggled to relax at first, but with their son laughing and involving them both, she was able to open up. Henry had spoken honestly with his brunette mother and he understood what she was trying to do. And he immediately came on board, mending the fences with his blonde mother so he could act as the intermediary between them. He refused to go out with Emma and Charles, but on his last evening there was a farewell meal at Snow's and the whole family arrived. It was the first time since the wedding Regina had been in the same room as the married couple and it wasn't nearly as painful as she thought it might be.

Charles was reserved but civil, Emma sat next to him but failed miserably at playing the dutiful wife. Her eyes were focused on the huge spread of food or on Henry or Regina. She made it obvious, without saying a word, that she wasn't interested or absorbed in her husband. And Regina had to smile quietly to herself. Family meals had always been a chance to tease each other when they were together, to run a hand up the inside of a thigh, licking lips provocatively or rubbing a calf with a foot. Charles was too prim and proper to behave like that, not that it appeared he wanted to, more obsessed with his napkin and not spilling gravy down his expensive looking tie.

And Emma treated him in exactly the same manner, ignoring him as he fiddled with his cutlery and cut his dinner into small mouthfuls. There was small talk, and Snow had managed to pick a half way decent wine which helped relax everyone. Even Henry was allowed a glass, and the food while not spectacular, was homely and filling. Charming was exactly that and carried the conversation, while Snow made sure to include Regina. And every time Regina looked around the table she found Emma's eyes resting on her. There wasn't the lust and hunger in the hazel orbs Regina had seen when they were together, instead it was like Emma was measuring her, seeing what was left between them, whether she could believe the open invite was genuine.

And Regina just smiled reassuringly at her and carried on engaging with the rest of her family, making the most of the last few hours with her son. She behaved with decorum and as the royal she was. She didn't snipe or shut Emma out, she allowed Charles to speak about his job despite thinking he had a rather stilted opinion and even got a kiss on the cheek from the man when she came to leave.

All in all it had been quite pleasant, considering the circumstances. And Henry came home with her to grab his holdall of clean washing, the material bulging with snacks Regina had bought, thick socks for the winter and some additional text books she had read would help him on his course.

He dropped a kiss on her head, his height making her lift her head to meet his eyes and glare at him. He laughed then and gave her the biggest bear hug, lifting her from the floor. As he was putting her down after crushing her in his embrace he quipped, "She'll text tonight."

He swung down and grabbed his luggage and jogged down the path before she could respond.

"What do you mean?" Regina called out to his retreating form as her mind registered what he had said. He ducked his head as he scampered down the path and then turned round when he reached the sidewalk and gave her a cheeky grin, one she recognised as his _Mission Accomplished_ look. He just waved at her and she was left shaking her head, but secretly hoping he was right.

And he was, although she had no idea what meddling he had done to achieve it.

 _Tx. It means a lot. Mayb coffee Monday would b nice? E_

She sat and wondered what Henry had done or said, but in the end decided she would go with his plan. She quickly tapped out a response, keeping it brief and for a fraction of a second she fought with herself about leaving a kiss, it was habit and second nature, but it was no longer appropriate. So she just sent the response:

 _OK, R_

She had no idea what she was being thanked for, but she was going to find out. Her sneaky son might be miles away but she was certain that in the next day she could pin him down and discover what he had done.

As it turned out she didn't need to wait to speak to Henry, the mystery unravelled itself at Granny's the next morning. Collecting her usual morning coffee Regina spotted Emma coming and held open the door for her Ex. She then noticed the chain the blonde was wearing, a chain Regina was certain was still in the box of special keepsake things under her bed.

It shone in the light, the silver locket looking lovely with her hair colour and the sparkle in her eyes. The engraved swan was visible as Emma walked past her and gave her a small smile. Regina knew the 2 pictures of Henry, one as a baby and one taken last year, inside the piece of jewellery meant more to Emma than the value of the item. It was a thoughtful and heartfelt gift, touching because it was about family.

Regina had bought it months ago, she had always been a planner and often had Christmas or Birthday gifts months in advance of when they would be needed. And this was going to be a gift for Emma's birthday, only by the time her birthday arrived they were no longer together and Regina had no intention of giving it to the woman. So it had sat under her bed, gathering dust, mostly forgotten.

She was livid at Henry, he had no right to go through her personal things, let alone decide he could give them away to other people. He had texted last night to say he had got back to college safely, and to thank her for the food she had packaged up for him. Regina knew him well enough that he was avoiding speaking to her. This was why, he had obviously taken the gift and wrapped it up, giving it to Emma as a belated birthday present from Regina. She dreaded what story he had concocted about why she wasn't giving it to Emma herself. And she was surprised the blonde has swallowed whatever Henry had told her, but maybe she had been distracted and not seen that this was their son being less than subtle in his manipulation of them.

Whatever the reasons, she couldn't ask for it back, and she knew she couldn't stay angry at her son. His methods were questionable, but Emma had been in contact, her face that morning had been genuinely happy to see her and they had an arrangement for coffee the following day. It had worked out, the coolness and distance the two women had been thawed and they were finding their way back to some common ground.

And they had slowly built on it, taking each day at a time, working out where the boundaries were and what they could expect from the other. And after months of ignoring and avoiding the other woman they easily managed to slip into a natural give and take. They exchanged ideas, they were open, and they fell back into pattern where they were comfortable with each other.

And Regina held her feelings in check. She never let her anger at Emma's leaving influence the advice she gave or the bond they were building suffer. She kept a tight rein on her jealousy of Charles so it wasn't apparent. She tried to be a good friend, impartial and offering sensible solution and suggestions. She didn't let herself think of the past or the future, she made sure her thoughts remained firmly in the present, a present where Emma was her friend and not a lover. Despite the way they would sometimes find themselves laughing about something they had shared previously or the look that passed between them after a few too many drinks and the conversation had become a little rowdy.

She ignored the way Emma's smile made her heart swell and the heat of desire when Emma would enter the mansion and struggle to keep her eyes off her cleavage. She denied to herself that it was love that swam through her veins over silly and small things like Emma complimenting her haircut or her new suit.

And she managed admirably, keeping things platonic and helping Emma face her abandonment issues, showing her with example after example how she was good enough and wanted as a Mother by Henry. She was a dependable and dutiful daughter and Snow and Charming were so proud of her. She had done so much good, she cared so deeply and tried so hard and that she should never feel less than worthy.

Regina spent weeks going backwards and forwards with her, explaining everyone failed from time to time and she should not let the past dictate her future. That Regina had fallen so far and her family of Emma, Henry, the two idiots and even the town had accepted her past and her ability to change. That it had taken years for her to understand that she deserved the acceptance, to believe that the love and respect she was being shown was real. And if she, a murdering Evil Queen could find that, then there was hope that Emma could too. With love and support, support Regina kept reiterating to Emma that she had in abundance in this town, she would be fine.

Ruby, Belle and Tink let alone Emma's actual family would all be there for her in a heartbeat for her, she just needed to accept the help and let go of the stubborn streak. It became habit that Regina focused on positives and enforced and drew attention to the strengths Emma had, both in her character and in her life. Love, Hope, Friendship, Family, Happiness. They were balanced against the Lost, Fear, Abandonment and Pain, tipping the scales for the better.

It was during one day when discussing the town's folk and friends Regina decided what she would do with the divorce papers. She called Charles and Emma to her office the following day to explain.

"I won't sign these for at least 3 months." She started and Emma looked at her with disappointment shining clearly in her eyes.

"I want you to go away and talk though the problems in your marriage with a mutual third party. I'm sure Tinkerbelle or Belle would be happy to oblige, but the person must be agreed upon by both of you." Regina looked between Charles and Emma and waited until they both nodded they understood.

"I expect you to both attend for a minimum of two hours a week, every week, for the next 3 months. If, after this time, you can't work things out I will sign the papers. You must be aware I intend to get feedback from the mutual person that you have both attended all sessions and have listened openly and tired any suggested actions. I will not make a decision before then and will need to know who you pick as the impartial third party so I can speak to them privately to ascertain if they also think the marriage is over."

She looked at both of the people before her. Both were miserable, and surely Charles couldn't think this was a good situation, but she felt she had found a solution that was fair to him and gave him a chance to come to terms with his collapsing marriage. She had shifted the decision to someone else, a person they would pick, so she couldn't be accused of favouritism or bias. It wasn't ideal and she had a huge amount of sympathy for the person that would be spending at least 24 hours over the next few months with a bickering and floundering couple.

But both Emma and Charles nodded their agreement at her terms, Emma wouldn't quiet meet her eye but Charles shook her hand as he thanked her for her time. They both left the office without another word, not to the Mayor or to each other and the brunette was reminded of her dysfunctional marriage where they never communicated unless it was an official occasion or Snow forced things.

Alone in her office she sunk her head into her hands, feeling all she had done was shift the problem 3 months into the future. And she dreaded Emma coming round later in the week, because she knew the blonde felt let down. Regina hoped after a few days and some soul searching Emma would eventually see Regina was trying her best with a very difficult situation and that they could still continue with their friendship.


	4. Chapter 4

Final chapter to tie up the loose ends. Won't suit everyone, but hoping leaves everything resolved.

Enjoy, review, sorry for the (really) long wait.

* * *

"A NUN Regina, are you fucking kidding me?"

"Miss Swan you may wish to tone down the profanity during your sessions, not everyone converses in such a way."

"But a Nun. Honestly?"

"It was Charles suggestion, you understand he refused Belle and Tink saying they were close to you. Are you refusing to allow Marjorie, or Jade to use her fae name, to mediate in this? She has no direct contact with either of you. I personally think she is a good choice."

"I just don't want some shrivelled up geriatric giving me marriage advice. And she was a fairy, apart from waving a wand and inhaling dust what life experience does she have?"

"Since the curse broke she has integrated well. And she isn't geriatric, she is in her early fifties. She understands much more than you give her credit for." Regina bit her lip, the older woman truly was a surprise, but Regina would only share that story after the meetings had concluded. She wanted Emma to go into the meetings without preconceptions, she wanted her to respect Jade and not have made any snap judgements. Telling Emma tales about Regina's meeting and subsequent interactions with the woman might damage that.

"It was difficult to find someone who was removed from the situation and was prepared to involve themselves. Marjorie agreed to this, and she is one of the more sensible fairies. She will remain impartial and treat you both fairly."

"What do you mean it was difficult to find someone? You suggested counselling! Don't moan at me now that it has been hard to organise!"

"I did suggest it, yes. But most people see this as a love triangle involving The Saviour, The Evil Queen and some poor sap who got himself married into the mess. Between Charles refusing people and you not putting forward any suggestions, all I am saying is it hasn't been easy."

Emma opened her mouth but Regina held up a hand to halt her no doubt profanity ridden denial.

"I know that isn't how it is, but whatever it actually is, you are still going to have counselling. To explain what has happened, to work through all sides of the arguments and to make you consider other alternatives."

"But she is a fairy nun. She knows nothing about getting married or being with a man!" Emma said in exasperation.

The brunette sighed, "Are you refusing this choice?" She was getting a little tired of this. Emma wanted a divorce. Regina had made the terms clear. The sooner the 3 months of counselling started, the sooner she would review the paperwork. If Emma refused Marjorie then it could be weeks before someone else was appointed and an even longer wait for the blonde's divorce papers to be given attention. And Regina knew until the papers were dealt with or discarded, there would be more of the blonde moaning, more inconvenient visits, more phone calls and just more stress that she didn't need. She wondered how Emma was _still_ her problem even now, fate must really hate her because every other break up she had witnessed, from TV shows to other friends in Storybrooke, never meant you had to baby sit your ex like this.

It made sense for the Sheriff to accept, and Regina was trying to tell her that. It didn't help that Emma was wrong about Marjorie.

Regina thought back to her first real brush with the older woman. She had been drunk shortly after Emma had left her and had spent time rambling to the kindly lady at The Rabbit Hole.

When she had sobered the following morning and investigated her mystery confident she had shuddered to find out she was one of the Blue Gnat's order, but she had delved a bit further, after all the woman had been in a bar. Maybe she wasn't quite as pure and sanctimonious as Blue liked to appear to be.

It appeared that the older woman had decided this new world was an opportunity, and that the fairy life of secrecy and solitude didn't really work in Maine or for her. There was nothing stopping her from interacting and being viewed as an engaged member of the town, rather than some special and reserved magical being. She often went to the library, where Belle told Regina she borrowed a wide range of fiction including horror, romances and sci-fi.

She liked ice cream, hamburgers and an occasional drink as she was a regular patron at the Diner, Any Given Sundae and The Rabbit Hole, but she also enjoyed sitting at a stool in the establishments and watching people and seeing how real life was lived.

She was known to reach out to other customers, to chat, to reminisce, and to meet new people and was considered a good listener and friend by many.

And then Regina had bumped into her at the post office one day, collecting a rather large parcel. Regina, who was no longer any shade of Evil, offered to carry the parcel, surprised when the older woman told her no, it wasn't heavy. The brunette had made some off hand joke about the size of the package and what was in it if it wasn't heavy. She had been staggered when the older woman told her it was sex aids, going further into detail saying the box held some dress up outfits, lacy and silk underwear and a nice new vibrator. And she had been quite serious. She had quipped, "I might be old, but I'm not dead. I have needs like everyone else." Regina liked her even more after that day.

Emma looked at the brunette, trying to read her. "You believe she is capable? And she understands this isn't the old world?"

Emma was giving the brunette woman one of her looks, one that told her she thought she was deluded. How could a fairy from the Enchanted Forest who's only understanding of love was from a trail of pixie dust, help in their marriage?

"She is more than capable, she is a surprisingly well rounded individual."

Emma looked at Regina, trying to see the lie, but there was none. And she trusted Regina, deep down she was probably the person she trusted most.

"Ok then. Yes. I agree." Emma muttered.

"So Marjorie will chair the sessions and you will try and be respectful to her. She won't appreciate your swearing so please try and think before you open your mouth around her."

"Fine." Emma gritted out and stormed out of the office leaving Regina hoping the poor fairy knew what she was letting herself in for.

* * *

"How was the meeting with Jade?"

Regina asked her visitor, one seen a lot less frequently since the bizarre marriage counselling has started. Regina knew it was bound to be something Charles would bring up as a problem in the discussions he had about his relationship with Emma. After all, Charles was feeling insecure, and Emma spending time with her old lover wouldn't be helping build trust between the married couple.

Regina knew the older fairy was sharp and had identified it early in the counselling that Emma's friendship with her Ex wasn't healthy for the cultivation of the marriage. The Mayor respected the fairy come nun for identifying his insecurities and asking Emma to think more about her actions and how they hurt and affected her husband. Emma was being forced to consider her own failings as a wife, made to see that avoiding Charles didn't actually solve any problems. And when she actively tried to limit the time spent with him, Marjorie had explained that it was natural he would cling tighter and become suffocating.

So to try to appease her husband and the counsellor Emma was doing as Marjorie suggested and only spent time away from Charles when visiting Henry or at work. Otherwise they ate together, watched TV together, woke up and did early morning small talk over breakfast together. It was probably the domestic relationship Charles had always wanted and Emma had to admit she hadn't invested any real time in doing what he wanted. She had been wholly selfish and resolutely tried to ignore any of his suggestions. It had taken someone outside of the relationship to point that out to her and she had to admit, now it had been said she could see it was true.

And she was trying, even though it wasn't what she really wanted. Because apparently a marriage was about compromise. The fact that this was alien to Emma, that she had never had to be uncomfortable or make concessions before filled Regina with some kind of twisted pleasure. Emma had obviously been happy with her and the blonde had been making compromises subconsciously when they were together. It just highlighted to the brunette that theirs had been a strong relationship, running smoothly, naturally.

Emma had fought the fairy over seeing Regina, but after much discussion where Emma explained she needed a safe place to vent and wanted someone in her life that was a friend and understood her, Marjorie had been quite forceful in explaining to Emma that the role she wanted filling could be served by her husband if she just communicated and opened up to him. He was willing, she needed to be able to see him as a friend rather than a threat. To be able to be honest with her husband rather than hiding away.

Marjorie also mentioned that as Regina would ultimately make the decision on the divorce after 3 months of sessions, that it wasn't appropriate for Emma to be visiting her most evenings, not during this delicate period in the marriage.

Emma had laughed, quite disrespectfully, before she had reined in her self-control.

"Sorry." She apologised, "But the whole situation is completely messed up, NONE of it is appropriate."

Marjorie smiled at her. "That is true Emma, but we can't change the circumstances we find ourselves in, the past and the actions we have taken are set in stone. Only our actions going forward can change, and Regina needs to be as impartial as she can be. Which means you can't be discussing personal details, or complaining about me or Charles to her, it isn't fair to burden her or fair to Charles that he suspect her decision was biased."

Grudgingly Emma had agreed to this and the visits to see Regina became less frequent.

The brunette was glad the blonde appeared to be listening to the advice, that she seemed to be considering the fairy's words and to be taking the meetings seriously. The distance had been difficult for Regina, she knew she had no claim on Emma, but she had been enjoying their evenings. The gaping hole in her heart had eased somewhat as they talked and laughed and relaxed around one another once again. It was bittersweet for her, because the way Emma was handling this illustrated to her that Emma could grow and face her feelings. And even though the process is difficult and makes Emma uncomfortable, she isn't running away. But the brunette knows it is about 18 months too late and wishes Emma could have been made to behave this way when it was their relationship hanging in the balance.

"Long." Emma replied to the asked question with a small shrug, and Regina feels it is like pulling teeth. Emma answers things much like she used to when they were frenemies during the curse, she is blunt and to the point, there is a lack of small talk, and Emma's words are concise and not inviting further comment. It is how Emma is dealing with the distance she has been asked to impose and trying not to influence Regina's decision, but, Regina thinks, she is here, she hasn't hidden, and she hasn't run. The blonde is still in her life, even if it is in a limited capacity and that means they still have something to hold on to, even if it is basic. Regina thinks back to her broken relationship with Henry, with Snow, with the town. You can build from basic and make it better, given time and effort. She knows she will make the effort if Emma asks her to, but right now this will have to be how things are.

"Are they helping?" Regina presses. She had asked out of concern, she didn't want details, just to know that Emma didn't think this was a complete waste of her time.

Emma grins. Reina expected a flat out "No." but gets more conversation and is surprised.

"Actually yes, but not the way you think. I think Jade's colleague, Lilac, has a crush on Charles. She was asked to take notes at one session and her eyes followed him round the room. Then either before or after a session she has bumped into us once too often to be coincidence. She always smiles extra bright when he is talking and bites her lip nervously and twirls her hair. I think he is oblivious to it, but maybe I can palm him off on her."

"Emma!" Regina allows the harsh bite in her reply, because you don't just "palm off" your husband on someone new. She didn't have a typical marriage, she was practicing magic behind his back, coming and going as she pleased and the notion of "to honour or obey" her husband was farcical. So she had no frame of reference, but she knew that wasn't the plan when she had suggested this.

Emma just shrugged, her smile devious and Regina rolled her eyes. The woman was a nightmare, and Regina's heart clenched when she hoped that someday, far down the line, when this was all put behind them, she might be _her_ nightmare again.

Finding it hard to know what to respond with, she shelved the feelings and moved the conversation on to Henry and his upcoming trip home. That was safe and a legitimate reason for Emma to visit, they still co-parented after all and Marjorie couldn't refuse them time together if it involved Henry.

* * *

"Can I speak to Charles on his own please Emma?" The fairy asked and Emma was just glad to get out of the room, so she nodded and stood, quickly exiting the room.

But she had never been one to do as she was told, and the sneaky thief in her, the one that liked to break the rules, made her loiter outside the door and listen to what was being said. She had her suspicions that Marjorie had seen Lilac's unsubtle adoration and realised the other woman was sweet on her husband. And she knew she didn't want him anymore, but she was damned if some fairy was going to sweep in and take him from her.

"Charles, Charlie." The fairy amended. "I know you want to honour your vows and want to make this work, but at some point you are going to have to realise Emma can't love you like you want her too. She is still in love with The Queen. It is clear from just the few sessions we have had. She compares this relationship to her last one, and sadly finds it lacking. That isn't your fault, Emma just has expectations you can't meet. She wants something you are unable to provide, despite the fact that I see you trying."

Emma stood there, shock on her face. She still had feelings for Regina, yes that was true. And they were deep and complicated, but they weren't that kind of love anymore. They had warped into something Emma just couldn't understand or deal with. For the fairy to be adamant, and she was, her tone had been confident, she had to be seeing Emma wrong. She couldn't be listening properly. Perhaps her friend's feelings were impairing her judgement or she had snorted too much fairy dust.

"She defends the other woman as she should defend you if this was a proper relationship. She speaks The Queen's name more than yours or even that of her son. And we are not in a world where her father will make her honour her promise, or just being a good husband is enough. She is a strong woman, raised in a world where she can make her own decisions and independence is celebrated. And relationships aren't forged out of respect or mutual gain like they were in our land. Emma believes in love, in her heart guiding her, and it is leading her back to Regina and nothing you do or say will stop that. In fact, to stand in the way of it will only end up hurting you more, you have to let her go."

"But how do I do that?" He asked and Emma felt guilty, he sounded broken and she hadn't heard him ever sound like that. And maybe she had married him, but she had never properly listened to him, she didn't really know him. He should be comfortable with her, but he was obviously more comfortable talking with this woman. She realised their whole relationship, all they did, was say things they thought the other wanted to hear, behave the way it was expected, never being truthful to themselves or each other.

"You stop fighting and let Emma pick her own path. Even though that path is away from you."

"But I will be left with nothing." And Emma realised he was hanging onto her because of fear, like she had fallen into his arms because of it. What a pair they made. Regina might refer to Snow and Charming as "The Two Idiots" but Emma could see her parents had competition for that title.

God it was messed up.

The fairy gently told him, "Charles, you aren't a bad man, you made a bad choice. We have all done that. You have to believe that in time you will heal and there is every possibility you can find someone else, someone that does want you."

"But…." He tried to continue and Emma heard the fairy shush him.

"Don't argue right now, go home and think about today, the things Emma said, and the more telling things she didn't say. Think about what I have told you from my own observations and see if you can see other examples. Take your time, and remember I am here to listen if you need me."

Emma moved down the corridor as she heard their conversation come to a close, she stepped into a darker corner, recessed in the wall. She heard her husband's footsteps lead away from her and she stepped out and ran straight into the fairy.

"Emma." The older woman greeted her. "How much did you hear?" She asked with no real hint of surprise or accusation.

"Enough." Emma's mouth was dry, and she felt off kilter. She became defensive, aggressive, a bad habit she had picked up from her time with Regina, "Why do you think I still love Regina?"

"Don't you?" The fairy asked.

"No. Well yes I do, but it isn't love like it was."

"But it is still there, any fool can see that." The fairy told her bluntly. "Emma people change and so do relationships. I know you had overcome great disadvantages in your past and are stronger for it. You aren't the same frightened child that gave birth to Henry for example."

Emma hummed her agreement. Yes she had changed drastically.

"Love changes too, how can it stay static when the people and relationship between them shifts?"

"Well obviously I understand that." Emma told her.

"So why couldn't your love for Regina change, why did you panic when it did and throw it away?"

"That isn't what happened." Emma defended.

"Well something happened, because the love is still there, you just admitted it."

Emma made a strangled noise, she was finding it harder to breathe as her world tipped on its axis. She felt she had been punched in the gut. It really was news to her. But she also saw the truth of it. She loved Regina, she had always loved Regina. And now, because of her own actions, she couldn't have Regina. Oh she had fucked this one up so badly. She tried to feel her heart, but it was sort of stuck, mid beat, in her chest. Why had it led her astray?

She absently rubbed at her chest and the fairy noticed.

"What does it tell you?" She queried.

"Nothing." Emma muttered, shaking her head.

"Would you like me to guess what the problem is?" The older woman asked, "I do have a theory."

Emma wanted to roll her eyes or huff in exasperation, but she hadn't picked up all of Regina's bad habits, so she nodded at the woman.

"If I had fairy dust and the right spell I could confirm it, but I think you have frozen your own heart to stop the pain and deflect any emotion that might hurt you. It is rare, but because of your ingrained magic, you could do it. How do you feel about Henry or your parents?"

"I love them." Emma said, but it was a stock answer.

"Put your hand over your heart and tell me that." Marjorie told her and she followed the order.

She repeated the words and then looked at the fairy.

"Do you feel your heartbeat?" Marjorie asked.

"Yes..." Emma tilted her head and looked quizzically at the other woman.

"Does it beat harder, warmer?" The fairy pressed and Emma shook her head.

"It should do, when you think of loved ones. But you have managed to stunt your heart so it does its physical function of pumping blood, but doesn't relay any depth of the emotion."

"Then how do you know I still love Regina, if I can't feel it myself?" Emma was lost, magic always confused her and often left her with a headache. This seemed like another pointless use of it, sometimes she wished she had never been born with it.

"True Love can't be denied, it has filtered into you head, your heart, your very being. You can see it where you have borrowed some of her characteristics, and are still pulled to her side, even when I have tried to discourage it. Even with your frozen and uncooperative heart, she chipped away at it and cracked the surface, she is the only one who could have. And she is probably the only one who can help you thaw it, and she will Emma because she never really let you go, you live in her heart as much as she does in yours."

The blonde stood still and let the words sink in.

The woman in the dark green smiled at the shocked face, and slowly walked away, knowing the blonde would snap out of it on her own. She had done what was needed, she had eventually got both her "patients" to see what was clear and obvious and re-focused them. It should be enough for nature and love to break through and lead them both away from each other and towards their true destiny.

* * *

Emma arrived the next morning, they didn't have an appointment and she was on her own.

She called out and grabbed the fairy's attention.

"Marjorie?"

"Yes Dear?"

"Thanks. For your honesty and your insight."

"You are welcome."

"I've been thinking, could I make a suggestion?" Emma toed the floor, nervous about her request. And the fairy knew that at times the woman was still a lost little girl. She reverted when she was unsure and The Queen should have taken control and never let her leave, should have held her tight until the fear and uncertainty and indecision passed. But The Queen was scared herself, scared that by behaving like that she would be seen as her Evil counterpart, dictating, demanding and controlling. So she had done nothing and learned the hard way that it was the wrong choice as the blonde walked out of her life.

Regina had drunkenly told the woman exactly that one night when they had crossed paths at the bar. "It's funny in an ironic kind of way that Emma Swan has just _swanned_ out of my life." The brunette had been staring into her almost empty glass and her tone was defeated. The older woman had just listened and then made sure the woman, once feared across a whole realm, got home safely.

So Jade lifted Emma's chin and nodded encouragingly at her, reassuring her that she was safe to voice whatever she wanted to.

"I don't think I am revealing any confidences if I say Archie was seeing a lot of people." The blonde began slowly.

Emma knew it to be true, many people were still struggling with two personalities or with wanted a mix of old and new world ideas. He probably wasn't seeing people regularly, but they were dropping in and talking to him often about niggling things that he was wonderfully good at helping them see logically or clearly so they could sort it out for themselves. Since his accident there was a void in the town and people felt it.

She continued, "And you've been really good at listening to me and Charlie and helping us see things we were avoiding or had buried or just needed to open up about."

Marjorie nodded at her, so she kept going. "Could you maybe, now Archie can't, open up the convent as a drop in centre and offer guidance and support for the town?"

"Emma we are a convent, a religious order, and our doors are always open." The fairy gently told her, not to dismiss her idea but it was true. They never turned anyone away and were happy to listen.

"Yeah." Emma looked uncomfortable, "That wasn't quite what I meant. I meant a friendly space where people can chat and swap stories and ideas, without religious judgement."

"Oh, I see. Emma we aren't qualified to give advice or guidance. We can't replace Archie."

Emma carried on, "You've been really great and I know some of the other fairies are quite progressive. I'm not saying become counsellors, but become a central hub where people feel welcome, can grab a coffee and biscuit and relax. And talk if they need to. You aren't promising to fix it, but listening is a big help. And you enjoy helping people, that was what you did as Fairies and I know you still want to do that deep down. It is why you have reached out and involved yourself with the town. I think you'd be really good at it."

"Thank you Emma, I'll think about it." The older woman said, smiling at the Sheriff.

* * *

Emma felt guilt sitting in her stomach, she had been a shit wife and a poor friend, making individual decisions without thinking of her partner, lover, and friend. She had come to get answers to some difficult questions, about future plans and emotions she had tried to ignore and shut out for too long.

And Regina kept letting her in, letting her ask whatever she needed to. From an Evil Queen who clutched onto power and control, the brunette now gave all of it to Emma, without question. Emma saw it was love, it was all Regina could give her, it showed trust and the extent of her feelings and Emma wished she had seen it sooner or understood earlier. She knew she had broken this, and she hated herself. How Regina didn't hate her she didn't know, so she was asking.

"But I was so horrible to you, I turned my back on you and our love. How can you bare to sit in the same room as me?"

"You have seen me at my best and at my worst Emma." Regina told her. "You have seen me in my Evil Queen days, you have seen me try and bully you out of town. You watched me set up your mother for murder and you have stood by my side as I cried tears of pain and frustration, as I fought to be better and lost some days. You don't know how much your friendship and support meant to me, so don't ever think you don't deserve my help and my compassion. You can always come to my door and I will always make time for you, because you are worth that and so much more."

"You know I'm sorry for the way I treated you?" Emma looked at her with her eyes big and wide and pleading.

"You don't need to apologise Emma."

"I do. I should never have run like that. You deserved better."

"You know people sometimes make bad choices. I accepted that was one of yours. There is nothing to be gained from you feeling regret and remorse."

"Could you ever trust me again?" The blonde looked so small and uncertain as she whispered the words.

"I do trust you, I have shared so much with you in this room, truths I hadn't voiced to anyone else."

"I didn't mean like that." And Emma reached out her hand to grasp one of the brunette's.

Regina looked at their intertwined hands and squeezed gently. But she knew she couldn't indulge and said with a heaviness, "Emma don't ask that of me now, you are still married and meant to be working things out with Charles."

"You know there is no working things out. You knew before I even married him, like Henry did and my Mom. I just didn't listen."

"I don't honestly know where we go from here." The older woman would have loved to rekindle something, but she was wary of being hurt, being rejected. They worked well as friends and she didn't want to jeopardise that. She was also aware that Emma was going through a messy divorce. Jumping straight back into anything, physically or emotionally was probably foolish

"Oh." She heard the deflated tone the younger woman used and wished she could make things better.

"Take some time Emma, enjoy being single. There is no rush and we can see where things go once the divorce is finalised."

"Between us?" Emma asked, hope dripping from the words.

And Regina hoped she wasn't making a massive mistake, hoped she wasn't leaving herself wide open for more pain and heartbreak. She responded after a moment's hesitance, "Yes. In time."

She watched the younger woman smile dopily at her and again felt that pull between them. The one that had never really died, just been masked by anger and fear and distorted. Things had been rough and Emma had caused that, but just maybe things might finally be less turbulent and the brunette was sure Emma was being made to face some of her demons and had begun to deal with a lot of the previously unresolved issues.

There was even the chance that by having a second crack at a relationship they might even be stronger than they were before. There were no secrets now, nothing they didn't know about the other. And Regina now understood why Emma had closed her out and pulled away, thinking under some misguided delusion she had to be strong and the Saviour even in their relationship.

So they had learned the hard way that that didn't work, and yes, finding that out had been messy, it had blown them apart and hurt immensely. But now, if Regina could move past that and trust again – and she was aware she might struggle and not be able to – then they could have an opportunity to have something beautiful together.

Could she open herself up to the other woman like that? She didn't know, but she thought she would like to try.

"Does Charles know where you are?" She changed the subject, unable to look at Emma's dopey grin and hope filled eyes.

"Yeah." A non-committed shrug of shoulders at the reminder of her husband.

"And he doesn't mind?"

"I think he finally gets it, and has also noticed the eyes following him from below the hooded lashes. She has slowly started wearing more make-up and more flattering clothing and even touched his arm last week."

Regina had to stop her chuckle, how one woman found Charles attractive was a mystery to her, how he had managed to bag two in this small town was completely beyond her. But she was glad, he hadn't been a bad man, and she hoped this time it was the right woman to give him a shot at a happy ending.

* * *

Regina signed the paperwork, the pen felt heavy, her signature looked off. But it was done, once stamped with the official town hall seal the marriage would be over. She had called Charles to her office earlier to tell him. And he had looked resigned, and just nodded at her. She explained Marjorie believed this was the best course of action, and that in time, she hoped he would be able to see that too. He had left the office head held high, having taken it better than she ever imagined.

Maybe Emma was right, he had begun to move on, had seen real emotion and desire for him and it hadn't been in his wife's eyes.

She told Emma by text, which was cowardly, but she needed space from the blonde.

Next she made a phone call.

"You seem to have found a career you could be good at." She said into the phone. "I think I may need to book an appointment."

Marjorie laughed at her, "You aren't married. But I accept the compliment."

Regina asked again, "I'm serious. I think I would like some couples therapy then, if not marriage counselling."

"Regina are you sure?" The fairy had a soft spot for the brunette, who was strong but not unbreakable. To make a rash decision now could shatter her and Marjorie didn't want that.

"Not immediately. I think we need some space so I plan to go and visit Henry for a week, I will tell Snow she needs a girls' only weekend with her daughter when I come back, so we both can be relaxed and see how we really feel with some distance between us."

"That sounds like a better idea than rushing into things." Marjorie agreed. "Once you return and if you are both in agreement, then yes, I will sit with you and talk through things. Just don't expect this to be easy, I won't go easy or avoid the difficult questions." The older woman warned.

"I expected nothing less." The Mayor told her, biting her lip in nervous excitement. This could actually work, if Emma would agree, Regina felt the flutter of hope in her stomach.

"Oh and Regina?"

"Yes Marjorie?"

"No sex while in therapy."

"You know I could go off you." Regina quipped. But she was happier than she had felt in a very long time, she would soon be seeing Henry and she had a real chance at helping Emma deal with her past horrors. And why their previous relationship had failed so spectacularly.

"Do you agree? In my opinion going to bed with Emma will just mask the issues, you need to abstain and talk first. Will you accept my terms?"

"Yes." Regina found herself nodding, they weren't going to be together again right now anyway, it was too soon. But they could talk and go to the therapy as friends, Regina would be there for Emma, be her strength and support when the questions or the answers got tough.

And she wanted to fix things with Emma, properly so if things progressed as she hoped they might they would be strong. And she had made lots of bad decisions where Emma or their relationship was concerned, or not reacted when she should have, so she was prepared to try someone else's ideas this time. And she'd been without the blonde's touch for a long time, what was a few more months if she eventually worked out how they could be together.

* * *

It had been six month's that Regina and Emma saw Marjorie twice a week. They talked about themselves, their childhoods, their abusers, the abuse they had inflicted on others and each other and then on themselves. They spoke about sex, with each other, with earlier partners and in Emma's case, with Charles. They were honest about their previous relationship, the problems and the good times. They discussed how they both felt the weight of responsibility they shouldered being mothers, lovers, a wife, Mayor, Saviour, daughter to Snow and Charming and how the town placed unfair and limitless expectations on them both. In part they felt married to the town, who saw them as public property to be shared, and because of guilt and that they were good people, they never refused and gave too much of themselves to other people.

It meant that Marjorie could see stress points and advice on coping mechanisms, she empathised and gave them reassurance, and she worked on their confidence and trust issues. She told both women it was okay to say no when the demands of the town were too much and that they needed to spend time building their own relationship. She coaxed Emma to talk about things she didn't want to and helped her voice her repressed blame that Regina's curse had caused some of her abandonment issues. She gave Regina advice on how to help rejuvenate Emma's heart and Emma advice on how to open up and connect with her heart again. Conversations weren't so strained, and apologies were heartfelt and accepted as such.

Slowly, things began to heal, Emma felt lighter and Regina noticed and her smile became more genuine too. Regina often wanted to reach out and grasp the blonde's hand and to offer comfort, but she refrained. But they did begin to go for coffee after the sessions and chat and laugh. And with each cup things began to drop into place, they worked out how to function as co-parents and friends again.

Charles had announced officially that he was going to be dating Lilac two months ago, and that was also discussed. Emma was happy with that and Regina had never wanted the man to be unhappy, she just didn't want him to be with Emma. They wasted very little time on Charles, except to make it clear they wished them both all the best.

And now the two women were going on a date, starting slow as they held hands and walked leisurely down the street.

Emma stopped and spun the brunette into her space, stealing a kiss. As Regina captured her lips a second time and swiped her tongue over the blonde's pale lip they deepened the kiss. Someone moaned, Emma tightened her grip in the fabric of Regina's dress and moved even closer.

"We should stop." Regina moved her head back and looked at Emma's eyes, desire making them look dark and inviting.

Emma hummed what could have been an agreement, but her actions were more telling as she leaned back and took the brunette's lips again. And Regina didn't fight her, instead she melted into the sensation as Emma's tongue stroked and played with her own.

When the brunette pulled away again she was short of breath and her heartrate was elevating quite nicely. But they had booked a restaurant, the problem was food was the last thing on her mind. She remembered how Emma's touch electrified her, but the real thing was so much better than a memory, and she was craving it now.

"Take me home." Regina whispered in her lover's ear.

"Do you think Marjorie will mind?" Emma gasped.

"I think Marjorie has been amazed at our self-restraint." Regina moaned as Emma nipped at her earlobe. "But" The brunette rushed on her exhale, "my self-restraint has finally snapped, so please, before we end up making out on the sidewalk, take me home."

"As Her Majesty wishes." Emma nuzzled her neck, then took a mouthful of skin and sucked hard. She felt alive and her heartbeat slammed in her chest. Then her magic was wrapping round them and they were back at the Mifflin mansion, staggering up the stairs.

They made love for hours, peaking separately and together, reaffirming their commitment and dedication to each other. And with each kiss, each touch, the passion flowed freely and the love wrapped around and pulled them closer.

"Fuck Regina." Emma gasped, as the brunette used her tongue to drive her over the edge once more. "It was never this good before."

Regina grinned up from between her thighs, licking her lips before placing kisses up Emma's toned stomach. The blonde was still struggling to breath and the skin rippled, while tan fingers traced patterns.

"I think we still had buried resentment and problems accepting ourselves and our relationship." Regina answered her, snuggling into Emma's neck and placing her arm comfortably over the blonde's stomach. "We are both in a better place now." She added, kissing the woman's neck, her jaw, and then her lips.

"Thank God." Emma muttered between kisses, and then pulled her brunette lover up and into a straddling position, so she could slide her fingers into her and still watch her face as she climaxed. It didn't take long and Emma never let her eyes waver, whispering into the woman's hair as she collapsed into the waiting embrace in satisfaction, "You are beautiful."

And Regina felt the words and the honesty. And was so glad she had found the strength to help Emma because ultimately it had helped herself. She recognised they had also had help to get to this point, and that she owed Marjorie a new mail order present. Hell a whole catalogue if the woman wanted it.


End file.
